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2010-04-21T21:36:00.002+08:00

once again. a long time not posting my blog for some time.

there's only one reason i stopped posting blog.

army.

i do not wish to reveal why, but just won't feel like saying.

i just start to feel more and more inferior. when talking. and having my actions done.

this. isn't a good feeling.

the only time i get to relax is when i can be alone or do things without worries. meaning when i am not doing anything while not being in camp.

i decided not to talk about the time when i am in camp. but just that i feel that i am getting more and more. feeling worst inside.

i do not know how to tell this to anyone. i got enough of the feeling of whining my thoughts to others when they only will say things that i am this i am that and i am always giving myself the trouble and the excuses to myself.

but wait. there's a lot of reasons that no one would understand what i am going through. speaking out doesn't solve anything nor does it make myself feel better as i might get insulted and get myself feeling even worse. i hate that feeling. i can't think well when i am faced with facts like this when i have totally no option or choice in my hands.

i hate what i am going through now. but time is the only solution to many things.

i hope i can get over everything soon before i break down once more.

i've had another near panic attack situation for me.

i plainly stopped myself from getting it.

but i don't think i can hold it back any longer.

i hate the feeling of being suppressed and being unable to do what i love to do.

i wonder am i a failed being or a failure in life that i am like this.

let myself pray i do get better.

time is the only thing i will get to have things solved.

2010-01-24T22:35:00.002+08:00

once again. another chinese new year that's coming. =)

i've got a few wants. so i have to save up for them

ps3. and games $500++
new motherboard. $4xx
4 gig rams. $2xx
1tb hdd. $1xx

>.<

and getting baby a new watch! =)

2010-01-06T20:30:00.001+08:00

bored.
weeks passed by.
anxiety hmm.. somewhere around de same =) no ups nor down.
had bad slp waking up crying. but din blog till now den update.
was a nightmare so sad that i had to cry waking up and my pillow was in bad condition at that time LOL =/

waiting for ord. >.<

another day. of

2009-12-08T21:54:00.002+08:00

today was quite nice.. =) a little amount of work and a whole lot of time for myself =)

read forum and saw a poor guy having a gf that is giving him a real hard time of his life..

say..

he tries to satisfy his gf and no matter how or what he do... the girl gets fed up easily.. hmmm which i find almost all women have similar characteristics bah?

but then.. the sad part comes.. even if he do small things and buy gifts. the girl don't show any form of unhappiness.. or even when he purposely try to make his gf jealous it doesn't work at all..

and when in public or at home he tries to talk to the gf about how he is feeling.. the girl says. hey even my mother oso nv shout at me or tell me what to do. what are you trying to do by saying *blah blah blah* and can even use F*** or _|_ kinda thing.. i was like O.o

and she doesn't make any romantic stuff or try to make their relationship more happy.. man.. i find tt guy is really sad.. and he can even say that he spent at least 5-10k over the years just to make her happy.. randomly buy he gifts like psp and phones and blah blah.. and im like.. woah.. and he still said he have to lend her $$ or even the parents $$.. its like omg de pathetic..

i am really lucky my girlfriend treats me really well.. i really treasure what i have now too..

but still looking at him.. still makes all man sad.. that includes me too..

when in the past i lost my mind and lost my O level result standard.. it wasn't worthed it.. i know it.. and i regret it.. but there's nothing much i could do right now... all i can do is look at the past and try hard to forget and just continue.. just... pitiful.. yea this is the word..

the weekend is over.

2009-12-06T21:01:00.002+08:00

米修米修米修。。。

hmm.. this week was.. rather fast.. i guess..

was in camp.. sick previously.. but the illness stayed with me since last week.. my gastric became worse and eventually had an acid reflux and caused my throat to get burned and i am down with real bad inflammation.. was having real headache and small feverish feeling.. went to see doc and got medicine for inflammation/cough and swelling in nose throat and i don't know anywhere else..

and we went to alvin's birthday party ytd.. hmm.. its really good to have so many friends that are so supportive.. thou u are at times forgotten.. but its good when people still remember the times when you laughed with them together and reminiscing the past.. and here i wonder if one day i ask them out. for a gathering.. how would mine be like.. i guess many will not turn up..

over the weekend.

dear dear came over my place to stay.. i'm glad. i'm happy. but there's always many 舍不得

and to me.. the time together.. may have been 24 hours a day but still.. its never enough..

part of this feeling inside me.. has been stuck for real long time..

this feeling of rejection.. i don't know. but i just realised.. the feeling really.. is very very bad..

the feeling of giving up to ask for things already.. i know its when sometimes.. people should still try.. but when trying gets hard.. its really difficult to even imagine the thought of having the chances to appreciate..

i know this is a sudden part of what i wanted to post.. cause i felt really.. empty suddenly..

from young i have always been.. rejected. neglected.. thou it might be seen at it is this way.. but to me.. inside my heart.. it has always been this way.. i felt very very lonely.. but at the same time.. i feel normal to being lonely. like this is a usual feeling that i won't feel bad either..

im just waiting.. to get over with my nsf life and get on.. i hope my anxiety or depression will really get over... i don't want another blackout time of my life.. my experience had been enough.. i don't want another one..

Weird.

2009-12-01T23:19:00.001+08:00

i just don't know whats wrong.. some how.. my mood just isn't very gd.. the sense of rejection sucks.. even thou it doesn't really meant this way.. but the feeling is just that way..

really.. dislikes this feeling..

2009-11-25T00:22:00.002+08:00

i made her angry.
just stubbornly deep in love with you
cuz my words din mean the way i wanted to speak.
dear dear. i don't like to make u angry or know that u are angry cuz of me
perhaps i just aint suitable to speak.
cuz it makes me feel really useless and disappointed.
i duno why.. my words seem to look like im giving excuses to you at times.. but truthfully i don't mean anything else. i just want to say how i feel.
i still nid to learn. really.. i don't how to behave with people nor to get close with them unless they wants to get close to me
im like in a world of my past of a real big big big kind of circle.. and u are the world out of it..
but i don't have all the time to get closer to you and let myself turn into the kind that will make u feel indefinite happiness yet
and when im out of it. i feel brighter happier and i wish that u will remain there for me to be part of my world..
but i nid time to do it. cuz this is me. im slow but i know what i want and i just want you.
(wanted to put a picture up but i can't seem to draw it out thanks to my ****ed up mouse)

i really love u.

2009-10-26T21:40:00.002+08:00

time passed.

we got together better than we did..

over in taiwan!!

it was a really happy moment of my life..

for once i felt so touched on my birthday..

i cried.. and thinking back.. im still so touched.. its as if.. i really nv felt so wanted.. the sense of being alive... the value of my existance suddenly became.. of more of a value.. so much i would like to live to spend my time with u till the end of our days..

thou its just u and me..

i felt the true happiness..

thanks.. dear dear

i really appreciated the whole thing u planned out...

anything abt my birthday pictures just look over at my gf blog!! =)

2009-10-01T22:25:00.001+08:00

sian. i duno whats with me today..

end of work seems like something i don't feel happy about. i just feel like.. i need to rest. im tired..

i want my taiwan trip..

im really. tired..

yawns..

(my brain can't seem to stop thinking..

keep on thinking of u.. *shy*)

dear dear.. 7 days left to countdown =)

10 days b4 taiwan

2009-09-29T21:58:00.001+08:00

hmmm.. im finding days hard to pass by.. 1 yr since army. its been tough for me. mentally..

wanted to chiong to do well and be physically fit. became unfit and mentally too..

and then i start to lose my path in what i want for the future.

but hmm... being with gf and staying at home are like the 2 things i can do well..

but i've come to notice this problem is getting to worsen.. which is if i have to say or convey a msg.. it aint goin anywhere.. which i mean like if i am trying to share a joke. its not coming out as anything funny.. it just simply goes into too theoretical which im like trying to explain what i am trying to mean or if i am trying to explain a use of something i become turning a big round trying to show how to do it but in the end it makes things worse.. =s

forget about it. if i can for when i am at home bah..

i just wanna relax. and wait for the trip to come le.

taiwan im coming~

2009-08-28T22:43:00.000+08:00

rather long since i blogged.. time to do something about it... haha =x

hmm... left less than 50 days to going to taiwan!!

just can't wait.

but no $$$

so have to wait for further income till goin there..

lately wondering..

am i a nice guy. or a bad guy... hmm.. maybe i should do something about this on my facebook for ppl to comment on..

but of cuz. try to say why too.. =)

well.. have been hectic lately..

sometimes. i still feel fear.. and real real bad fear.. esp today..

the indian aunty that casted fear into me again. haiz..

really fear indians.. big time..

2009-08-16T11:40:00.002+08:00

another day!!! 2 months to my birthday already... hmm.. doubt there will be anyone giving me a birthday celebrations thou..

but im fully -ok- with it.. im goin taiwan!!! =P

dreamt of taiwan trip last night.. it feels so real!!

im so prepared to have an enjoyable trip!!!

but.. im stuck of something... my gf parents aren't very supportive of the idea and have been giving black faces since then..

i understand the fact of if i am a parent i'll be worried.. but hmmm.. how can i convince them that i am a responsible person and won't be letting everything go to waste just like that..

as one thing.. her mum said...
u guys are the ones that will benefit everything and not lose everything...

but im thinking of this... can give me time to prove that im nt just any tom dick harry that do almost whatever all guys does?

im nt just any kinda person u can find on the street.. im different.. im a responsible person from top to toe.

dear dear. i hope u will understand that i am willing to spend my life with you.

i know u will too.. right? =)

lately u have been throwing some tantrums.. i know girls have this kinda times. but.. i'll be patient. and and.. when we have our own family.. a mummy cannot like tt one oh =) if nt the kids will think daddy and mummy nt lovey dovey anymore le ahz =( hehe.. =)

2009-08-03T20:37:00.003+08:00

baby~~ its been 1 year already!!

and for the first time.. i made a card for you!~ =)

and we had a wonderful time at the zoo!!

saw a lot of cute animals and fierce ones too.. =X it was a great time to spend a day there!!

thou i blogged a bit late.. cuz ytd i typed halfway got error again and i duno why the whole webpage went down =((

i had great time with dear dear all the while when i am with u.

even if i was unhappy or sad at any time.. i know that i have you with me to get pass my sad days.
and of cause!! its when u are with me that makes me happy too!!

dear dear.. i love you i love you i love you!!! i wanna work hard for our future!!
i know i have you for me!!

i know dear dear will be willing to do everything and anything for me!!

in return.. i'll give my best to you too!!

im lookin forward to the taiwan trip!! shall be two of us together overseas for 1st time!! can't wait already!!! XD

2009-07-05T21:49:00.003+08:00

ahhh.. feeling bad lately.. bad slps.. bad rests.. bad concentration.. bad singing..
only thing gd is now my life compared to the previous times is a whole lot better now..

i wanna sing again. but how.. it really hurts..

man i hope my time will pass by faster seriously..

and.. rachel.. gd job in getting the tix to go over taiwan for competition!!!

jia you!!! always rmb one thing.. realise ur dreams by attaining shorter term goals 1st.. make ur life happier with shorter goals.. cuz the furthest goals are always full of obstacles.. but they too are why it makes the fulfillment of the dreams more worthwhile..

2009-06-03T22:36:00.003+08:00

i was just trying to hope my feelings will reach out to others.

i was just trying to hope they will understand me more..

and not just look at things from one view..

one million words can't speak the feeling of what i have in my heart

2009-06-03T21:43:00.000+08:00

today was in camp.. many things had happened..
some people created a mess.. they tried to avoid all possible problems.. and pushed all the fault to someone and that someone had no chance to say anything about it and aha.. he got the blame however..
then..
my dear din get quality sleep last night.. was having a lot of pains from her bottom rib area which she suspected.. but din turn out to be there.. as the doc said its from some muscles issues..
and hmm.. i've been thinking.. about what kind of person i am..to others.. am i a gd friend?to others.. im a bad person?to dear dear.. am i doing anything very bad??
it seems like.. i can't seem to satisfy most of the qns i stated.. and it seems that the answer i got is making my feelings bad..
and at times when i am feeling unhappy or angry about things.. it seems like i just can't get the feeling to get angry and show my temper..
but then when i feel sian or pissed off with how people handle their moods against me.. i too.. hope that other's will think about hey.. han chuan is actually trying his best too.. he didn't really did anything that kind of bad to recieve that kind of treatment from anyone right? all man have a temper i believe.. but its me that one person that controls their temper and controls their environment.. but when on gets angry and pissed off.. one has no control over anything and will only make anyone uncomfortable..
and one thing too.. try to think of how the other is thinking and feeling.. it might be a totally different story.. when you get to know.. it might be totally a different thing when it comes to how one person looks at the situation from another's shoes..
e.g.X talked to Y :hey.. rmb to complete ur revision exercise ah!!
Y replied.ok~ but then by 3 hours later..
X to Y :hey so hows everything??
Y replied.:ah~ i missed it again din think it was very possible for me to complete it..
X then said :omg why the hell did you not do your things properly!! do you not know the importance of this work? and if you had completed it and we can go do whatever we want immediately without anything to interrupt!!(decided to help out.. )
but then in the matter of fact.. X was helpin out with a temper and Y was feeling very bad..Y was thinking.. i really din think of how to complete it.. and X wasn't very satisfied with Y..
here is the story.. lets analyse.. X is unhappy.. with the fact that things will be interrupted and turns things unhappily cause of the snowball effect that X wishes to do with Y as time is a concern.
Y is feeling bad too but he can't really do anything to help the situation and can only hope that X can notice that he too is feeling bad inside hoping that he can turn the situation around gradually.
if X was willing to be more patient and try to approach in a more friendly way Y would nt have felt so bad and things can still go on at most 1 more hour or so.. there's definitely a better solution than filling yourself with anger over a time of 1 hour making both parties to get stimulated with unhappiness..
and if Y is willin to ask even further and try to communicate more about how X was feeling about it.. and try to get into deeper thoughts with X.. things might not have turn out into a nasty situation..
so. anything think what they could have done??2 things as stated above.. either person X could have told Y to do everything and communicated with Y and also not get into the temper and things still goes on as usual at most with a snowball reaction of 1 hour follow on..
or Y have to ask more about how X is thinking and feeling about everything and ask how X thinks Y could have done it better before anything could have happened..

2009-05-28T22:36:00.002+08:00

haiz.. not in a gd mood any more..

down down down.. ytd in camp i suddenly down.. b4 meeting dear dear my mood super sad.. cried suddenly when in bus.. just like the panic mood.. i felt nothing at the instance.. emptiness inside.. lost.. like the whole world is moving on without my knowledge of it turning..

like im a lost soul walking on land just because im supposed to be there and knowing im supposed to be there..

my mood aint something that i can control at all.. which this is.. a problem..

its not normal for me these days.. i know it on my own.. i have a serious thinking problem..
at normal times im feeling normal.. but randomly i'll feel bad.. either super sad or if nt is nothing much..

in the end im just trying hard to get along and feel my way through..

dear dear.. i need to say this.. i am having a real hard time to get proper rest.. rmb i said nights with marathon nightmares?
waking up with racing heartbeat?
having a lot of thoughts at the moment b4 i wake up thou im nt sure why im supposed to be thinking at all??

its draining my concentration.. my energy to feel. its weaker.. and im feeling pains as usual all the while.. my pains haven go away.. my mood nv really turn into a very gd one. just that its nt worsening like it was in camp..

and the change of environment.. im still trying to adapt to it by treating everything with a smile and accepting the things as they come.. anyone can say im expecting too much or say im childish to think of things that are not meaningful or useless or what but i can say sometimes its really way out of my control.

the way i treat people.. is the way i hope people will treat me.. if im unhappy about something.. i would nv try to make others feel bad same way either..

and people around me.. i too have something to say..

i have a thought that is..
things don't really change much.. the values and meanings of things.. is from the way we get to decide how much worth they are..

so in other words.. some things don't really change unless they are damaged or they are different totally on the outside..
sometimes its just from our perspective of view might have changed..

just like some people likes animals.. but as time passes.. they might have forgotten that.. they still wanna be playing with their masters like in the past just that the owners have thought of excuses of like the dog is too weak or too tired.. or rather.. the owner is simply to bored of many things..

moral of story.. don't look at things from the outside.. maybe its from our point of view that has changed.. sometimes when your're upset about something.. try thinking.. is there any point that might have been my own problem that i actually find unhappiness from the thing im looking at?

2009-05-21T06:33:00.001+08:00

finally im going to be posted out to new unit today..

ahhh.. worried about how people are there and how will i be treated and is it a stay in vocation.. >.<

super worried..

and i miss dear dear.. =(

2009-05-15T00:24:00.002+08:00

another time i'm coming online to blog already.. it has been a real long time since i've last blogged..

this time.. its about serious thoughts i have been going through my mind..

the difference between people..

everyone is different.. how do "you" coexist with the others?

to me. i've always think that. treat all those around you that are important to you gd. so that one day when u don't get to seem them anymore. you won't regret it... so treasure every moment possible i can get and have that i truly treasure and make it only for the "me" and "you".

when we are together. i rarely think about how others would think of me.
in my world.
seriously you are the only being in the world of mine.
other than that... they are just somewhere in the universe.. thou affecting me in some ways. but always far from me.. so i wouldn't really bother.

im sure there are people who are different from one another and yet. still they are together. though they share different values in life and yet they share their life of joy and pain together.

that is how i hope i could share my life of joy and pain with the one i love.(that is you of cuz and no one else)

don't leave me there and just let me be. i'll be lonely. i'll be sad.. i'll be crying till no end...
(don't make us apart.. its tearing me apart)

Serious talks takes serious heart

2009-04-28T19:25:00.003+08:00

lately.. things have been getting out of hand.

i admit. i am weak hearted at times with certain situations.

but i do not admit that i will leave things as it is.

i can't stand the feeling of being weak.

i've been weak for 20 years of my past.

let this year be the difference. none other than this time will ever let things go out of hand after this.

i found the problem and the cause that is actually causing me to feel bad.

let this be the point where i turn the tables around.

i will show myself a path of light where i can find myself in the place i want to be.

a weak man that is having the will to grow.

let me call out to myself once more.

i am Cai HanChuan. i name myself an english name Rell.

i want to be successful in life which i believe i can reach what i aimed for as years to come.

today.. i breakdown in the camp. i don't really understand why this is actually happening to me. i admit that i might be suffering a lot of my mental state and feelings. i doubt i can still control them as well as before which i was standing on stage and looking at the crowds of people singing and performing to people.. i want to be a shining person whom people will remember me of in the years to come at the last of my life. my will is to live a glorious life.

i know that facing the problems is the only way of solutions. but i will make my solutions. be it difficult of easy. i will make it out. i will prove that i have to will that even lightnings that cut skies shall never be able to make my will become bent.

dear dear. ps. i didn't really wanted to make you worry. im a lot better now. =) trust me.. let this be over 1st. and i will turn and grow. into an even stronger man that before.

2009-04-19T10:37:00.003+08:00

firstly i must apologise to christina. sorry about ytd ur bdae party. i can't turn up. i took the medicine and wasn't feeling well and i didn't know that my phone can't cannot connect to the service.. i can't dial up phone calls and neither can i sms out.. sorry about this seriously.

next is that i have been worried about my camp life. omg... i duno why i am feeling this way.. my pc which is a warrant is giving me fear.. a sort of fear that is making me unable to feel natural at all... the sort of unable to do anything well de feeling.. its pressurising me.. i don't know who to go to.. goin to the doctor ? at this moment?? i have no idea at all..

telling my dear girl can only help me calm myself down for a while or even at no use at times..
its only disappointing my girl which oso hurts my heart to see her sad and even know that she is sad and i can only do NOTHING AT ALL..

haiz... i need to get out of that place seriously.. that sir is driving me crazy.. as well as working as a technician.. i din know working there will be this kinda dirty.. i don't know why i dislike or rather. i hate this kind of environment.. it makes me feel distorted and uneasy.. the feeling sucks big time seriously.

lets hope this few day will be able to make me feel better le..

2009-04-18T00:16:00.003+08:00

okay 1stly.. i wanna talk abt is that my windows live messenger doesn't seem to like me at all.. till now i can't log into that using my blitzark@hotmail.com account. so pls people. add me at rell_cai@live.com.sg with my deepest thanks. =)

ok.

back to actual things to talk abt..

this few days was passing by so sudden that i din actually noticed.. >.<
and then was suddenly to my dear girl's birthday already.. 21st already ahz.. hahas.. happy bdae!!! im yours always! haha.. with a present for a birthday of cuz =)

hope these days and the others to come would be of cuz gd and getting better for both of us together. =)

and the cake is really beautiful.. it suits my dear dear.. its sweet and pretty.. just like you! =)
today went out for dinner at sun with moon.. okay its a gd place to dine at but the pricing rather ex.. >.< its a real gd deal to ever try the food there.. especially the ala cart items in the menu. just 2 items i list out, the spicy cream scallop and the okonomiyaki is able to both of us filled with limitless saliva flowing out lols.. =x

hmmm.. and abt my moods.. still.. its swings.. but im telling myself to try hard and nt feel bad and think of other things.. its working.. but i still need time.. it doesn't seem to just go off just at a blink of an eye.. >.< hope tonight i can slp well.. the nap i had in the afternoon and last night's slp wasn't that good.. maybe tonight i shall need to take the slping pill already.. hmm.. hoping nt to take it just yet..

hope u like the present i gave u ah dear dear.. and hope my illness(moods) din really affect how you are feeling.. im trying hard to get better.. really.. but somehow some way i can still think of camp and get afraid and tensed up and just thinking abt the next appointment is at may 7th.. that's which is rather long way to go.. i still have to wait.. i feel.. rather bad.. especially on the night afterwards.. ahh.. help ahh =( hope tmr the doc can help me about it.. =(
i love you deep deep many many =x and your smile always fill me with the deepest happiness within my heart.. ( its TOO~ GOOD!~ haha!! )

tmr shall have another appt le.. rather anxious about it.. duno what and how to react.. ahhh >.< help ahhh.. seriously thinking and trying to control my mood...

i will strive hard to get a gd bdae the years to come.. the nxt celebration to think of is our 1st yr anniversary of us together!! thou its still have like 4 more months to go. but we still have to make it a gd one! =)

2009-04-07T10:45:00.002+08:00

ok went to see my camp mo and my sir today.
hmm.. duno why. after stepping into the camp today thinking im holding an mc goin back in. i felt a sort of terror or fear.. a deep fear of goin towards the camp.

shivering from inside my body..
then i saw the mo.. but b4 that i saw my sir riding his bicycle back home and trying to get around. the place for a cycling time... but then. he saw me in my dad's van and was looking at me suspiciously and said i wasn't suppose to bring along my parents..

hmmm... den finally show-ed mo the paper and had an interview.. hope i would be able to get out of there asap.. and get to see the psychiatrist as soon as possible too =(

hmm.. dear dear ahz.. dun so emo le ahz.. im goin to be fine le.. =) i'll make sure ur bdae is the best bdae ever that u ever gonna have!! =)

2009-04-06T20:51:00.002+08:00

weeks passed.

finally it is april already.

my chest pain finally somewhat got a diagnosis. hope it is this way that my chest hurts with a reason.

this reason is found out after i got to have seen a psychiatrist and he said i have panic disorder and is starting to make me have depression.. so i suppose it is making me feel sad and sort in the past weeks.

just last week i felt up and down for no reason.
like on thurs. i started to cry in camp.. very emotional.. and then the coming nxt day which is friday i cried again and seeked help from the MO but there wasn't any help coming from him either.

then at night finally met up with my poor dear dear that has been worrying so much for me...

sorry ah dear dear.. make you worry le =(
hope the coming week will make you happy le!!
especially at nsrcc for ur big big day!! =)

ok carry onto saturday.. cried when i finally met up with my dear dear again.. din really have any gd slp for the past few days.. waking up too early liao.. and unable to concentrate on much things.. can't seem to appreciate everything that my dear gf do for me.. i wonder is it me or wad..

but when she cried i could still feel a little sadness.. but it doesn't make me superbly sad.. somehow i was numb.. =( but still.. we hanged out. had some fun in a way.. hope she's feeling alright.. and went to see DFC promotions at heeren. ok their songs they composed is real nice!! i like them really =) take a chance to listen at least and maybe buy their EP!! show them support!! we nid to show support to singapore's artiste isn't it? and they are doing gd too!! they have good voices and things.. but of cuz. bands are meant for live shows.. not just thru discs!! try to get a chance to listen to their live concerts! =)

den sunday.. ok.. this is where my mood seriously turned numbed..
i duno what happened again tt day.. only know my dear sufferred a lot again.. even went to see some chinese god to pray for help for me and somehow maybe it worked out.

my dear ahz. dun be so sad.. ok?

den den.. today.. went to camp. this time i felt nauseatic when i start to having the thought of getting myself dirty and sorts again.. damn disgusting feeling.. and thought of goin to report sick to MO.. and then halfway, i vomited at a drainage area... =x
den den. saw mo and took mc and went home to rest.. on bed i can't really fall aslp but around 30 mins or 1 hour later i fell aslp but still i woke up suddenly again.. and then decided to go see a specialist and finally got hold of everything of what is goin on with me.. hope im doing gd and alright..

ahhh.. i duno why feeling slight dizziness when concentrating at things too long and i can't seem to remember much now.. >.< maybe im just too tired to concentrate. hope my slp will get better bah.. tmr still have to endorse MC and still i have to see that 1WO gautama. omg.. help..
hope i will get out of there ASAP!

and thanks mum. i felt that u did a lot for me... thanks.. this i couldn't say out. hope one day. u will feel it too.. >.<
and to dear dear.. im goin to be fine de no worries =)

2009-03-31T01:47:00.002+08:00

something i realised.

there's always things for me to chase after, be it things i don't see, or things i don't get.

but there's always something i have to take a step and then i will get to have an approach towards it.

such as. learning to do something is always when doing it is when u learn to do it. learning it by theory is never gonna work.

for that's why.

i realised i need to be a changed man.

dear. you have been there for me too..
now let me be there for you.

you have been special to me.
no one can replace you from my heart.
give me your attention and i shall change it to a deep bond.
share your love to me and i will make it into our happiness.
let us fall into a deeper love, and we shall be together forever.

i just want to see your smile everyday. its just something i'll live to never regret for.

2009-03-18T19:19:00.003+08:00

once again..
another day passed away just like this..

today is another boring day.. but i felt rather.. tired.. and lazy to move.. don't know why..
just felt like lazing around..

dear dear still nt recovering fully..
bad appetite and somehow making her feel unwell and makes her slightly shorter temper..

im trying hard and praying hard for you to get well soon le.. =(

this few days i can't seem to concentrate as well.. ever since the guard duty.. seems like every moment can feel very slpy to me de =(

playing games for long makes me easily tired.. but doing nothing is also nt very ez to get aslp either.. >.<

ahhhh.. i need a night where i can rest properly without getting up in the midnight.. hope such a day will come soon...

*dear dear.. pls take care ahz.. i know i am rather slow at times and nt so gd at guessing how dear dear is feeling.. and last time we talked abt this b4 too le.. dear dear must gif chance no matter how de ah... =(*

2009-03-15T10:20:00.002+08:00

ytd was super bz!! and tiring of cuz.. went down to IT fair and i had my monitor bought!! >.<

it was cool~ its like ants in an area trying to travel around lah...
even at a point where i wanted to take the lift and was overwhelm by the rushing crowd and kanna left behind cuz we are more gentle in trying nt to squeeze with others...

hmmm.. and bought the monitor home installed it up and even changed the position of the computer le.. rather cool.. with the help of dear dear!!! so nice =)
and i am quite ok with this new position of table too..

and watched a show on it and it looks GREAT!!!

recommends a gd lcd screen when u are a crazy fella who loves to watch show on computers!! >.<

2009-03-09T21:26:00.002+08:00

ahh.. had a crap guard duty last night.. was suffering prowling.. chest pain.. occurred thats why.. if i were to grade it at lv 10 to be the max and 0 to be nothing.. i had like 4 times of prowling slots of 14 hours total.. each hour takes a whole around the camp.. rather.. hmm.. the pain will be like.. starting from.
0/1/2/3/3/3/4/5/5/6/6/7/7/7 lv of pains. and it tends to reduces the feeling of pain when i stop moving around or slows down. only when i lie down is when i feel nothing much... or i sit down. sitting down is like.. lv 1 of pain. which is just annoyance/irritance... but having dear dear to be calling me and i get to know how sad dear dear is for nt being able to have me beside her all the while. makes me forget those pains... and worrying abt the night..

today ended the guard duty. and it was.. pleasant!!
wanted to slp in the guard rest hour. and i felt rather. lethargic. when i thought i felt better after lying down for a period of time. the chest pain effect came... maybe due to having load on my body and walking around for prolonged hours had made the feelings of the pains back onto me.
luckily when i told my pc he was kind enough to asked me to see doctor and i shall have everything made known to the MO on the next day cuz the MO was too bz for today... ahh.. time to go back to slp once again!! =) guard duty = tiring...

one big reason why i din wanna let out how bad i felt. hmm.. it will be said as that i din wanna sabo others to come over to take over my position to be a guard on a weekend as i had made it once onto others. hope what i did was.. worthed it.. cuz i think i suffered quite an amt of pain ytd and today.. >.<

dear! no worries le!! im feeling lots better!! as long as i don't move around much and stay put at one place i'll feel just fine!!! =)

*muackz* i know u need me, i'll be there when i can. i'll wanna be ur superman of ur life.. =)

i miss you so much =(

2009-02-19T20:49:00.003+08:00

another day in oeti.
same kinda thing that was expected has nv let me down.. cuz today is equally OETI...

after working hours met with dear dear!! =)

had a dinner at crystal jade. ok. the food there.. not all of it ensure our satisfaction of our stomachs..

then back to my hse to watch shows.. but when i hugged dear dear again.. i felt like.. omg... how long and why did i came to miss dear dear so much..

its like, gaining a feeling i've lost.. finding a memory to relinguish a short happiness in me..

no matter how. i just missed you so much... >.< and i wonder why..

argh.. miss you =(

i want more times to be with u together!!!!!!!

2009-02-15T20:29:00.003+08:00

yeah!!!

finally.. valentine's day.. =)

got a super nice wallet from dear dear.. (from guy laroche)

=) thanks dear!!!

and spent the whole time all the time together once again!!

its always sweet and filled with happiness with dear dear in my arms =)

and btw.. had a swim ytd too!!! rather nice.. =)

to talk abt ytds's thingy.. we had a super nice lunch too.. at ma maison.. as usual.. the food there is surprisingly great..

tomato omelette rice!! and beef version of it!! but the tomato one is simply way too nice le.. and what else.. dear dear had a lot of same thoughts as i do for a lot of choosing for ytd!! >.<

other than the one at fish and co.. when i wanted to have something heavy... fish n co din really haf a full meal for customers to take..

and what else.. the food took quite some time to come and my dear waited for too long and got rather pissed off..

>.<

and for today.. =) had a breakfast.. rather nice too!! porridge and eggs are perfect!!!

*in short and for an overall time spent with dear is nv boring and always fun!! shall keep it like that forever!!!! right dear dear??

and hope u liked the watch and the flowers!!! too bad din get to show them out to the sunlight and public.. >.<

2009-02-09T21:40:00.001+08:00

sprained my leg today.. hmm..

rather weak leg to be spraining liao truthfully... my leg can't take anymore sprains de.. since the last one yrs back..

and today cuz my balancing nt very good.. when walking halfway in camp.. my chest hit onto the railing and it hurts like a bruise on my rib cage on the near my arm area..

it seriously hurts a lot when i slightly shift my arm now =(

hope it will be ok by tmr.. my leg instead.. i duno when it will turn ok.. swelling is nt obvious.. but the pain is somewhere more painful than normal sprain.. lets see by wednesday ok le anot.. den i'll think of goin to visit medical officer again. =)

just 5 more days!!! can't wait!!! >.<

*missing u =(*

2009-02-02T21:24:00.003+08:00

another month just arrived so shortly..

saw a friend that just came attached to oeti for training as a OFFICER..

hais.. his life seems so fun.. he was a joker in poly. still one too.. unexpected to be a standard of an officer.. i should have the capabilities as well i suppose.. but i have too much.. bad sides in me.. i mean.. too much weak points.. i nid to improve on them.. with help of everyone around me.. and most of all.. my dear dear who always get along with me all the time.. hope that she can change me into a better man as well =)

hmmm.... this module.. gonna be another tiring one.. hope it will be gd =)

* just 2 weeks more!! 2 weeks!!!!!!!! ahh~~~~ =s*
dear dear.. rmb to take less cold stuff ahz.. >.<

2009-02-01T22:10:00.003+08:00

今天又和你抱在一起哭了
=*(

simply had to stop putting singing as a serious path for myself.. will it work out?

2009-01-29T22:06:00.002+08:00

today.. i did something.. irrevertible..

i actually forgot things that are nt suppose to be forgotten..

ok.. i can't take any form of excuse for things that i've done.. and im speechless about it..

sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..
sorry my dear dear..

=(

i know i can't be forgiven.. but i'm still hoping for it..

*
hope u guys know what im trying to mean.. i admit.. i'm an imperfect guy.. and somewhat rotten too.. but i know i do love u. and its serious..
*

2009-01-28T21:08:00.003+08:00

cool day passed by..

today's my mother's birthday.. =)

happy another bdae to u mum.. =x thou i nv did that and say that to u haha =x

hmmm..

today had a long long day.. tiring one..

walked in the morning and today.. our walk is surprisingly fast.. extremely fast.. ridiculusly fast.. =(..

and.. accidently hit by a friend.. >.> rather.. a big blow to my chest.. a direct hit ahz..
a feeling so sudden i couldn't react.. it felt like i got frozen in time suddenly.. it wasn't really painful.. but it felt.. like im surged by a large voltage through me.. and my tear just came out.. i dun think my body had enuff time to react to the pain i recieved.. >.<

and the whole day down due to walkin at the ridiculusly fast spd.. i declare that i aint feeling superbly alright.. feeling a bit weak.. but still managable =)

well.. today ended rather abruptly at camp.. had a crapped test which i somehow crapped up.. hope tmr will do a lot better and hope i can do well and get a B grading and recieve the honour of having a half day!! =)

not to forget to mention..
*dear dear~!!! take care of urself ahz =(*

2009-01-25T16:10:00.005+08:00

happy new year eve to many people around me..

from what i heard.. this year is rather good luck compared to the previous year for ME.. a dragon year boy.

and for today.. i had a number of rather shocking news and time to rethink many things again.. and maybe time to impose the thoughts i have for myself and a stricter time to make myself bz again..

1stly.. my dad's pay got cut from our own family business.. for no gd reason.. while my dad is like the main and only person that tries the hardest when it comes to work.

2ndly.. my dad din get to recieve the annual bonus either..

3rdly.. my brother din get it either and because of him rather.. cuz he got a whole lot of $$ to make payment for the house he getting in the febuary..

and hmmm.. it made me had the thought of like nt taking any ang pao from my ah gong and throw it back at him and walk out of the house sia.. and i am damn serious about it now..

but i think its stupid to throw back the rather huge amount bahz.. let see if he did drop the amount of ang pao $$ for me liao..

if he did nxt yr he is gonna see me gif him special presents that only those under the ground

tends to get..

this kind of ridiculus actions that din think of how others look at him is retarded.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

okay back about myself.. its hmmm.. thinking about what my brother said.. i do wanna learn japanese.. i wanna learn piano too.. but with that keyboard i have at home.. that sucks and the sound damn wrong one.. that i dislike duno what after some time.. i'll earn one on my own and have the lessons started anyways by my own means too..

another thing.. how i am gonna carry it out..

i tend to reach home like around 7 most of the times.. alright.. i'll put this obviously strict..

no more games during week days.. one week at least 4 hours of self studying japanese with the notes i have... within the coming 3 weeks i have to memorise at least all of the hiragana words that are available for me to learn..

and to earn $$.. i shall continue be thinking ways too.. as i did promised myself.. and carry out my plans i had..

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

ahh.. this weekend is rather.. heavy for me.. i am nt gonna spend much time with my dear either..
a bit sian diao.. but have to get along with it.. =(

*im missing the times i have you puttin ur cheeks on my arm and my face... >.>*

2009-01-22T21:28:00.003+08:00

another few days to chinese new yr..

my dear girl had her hair permed.. =)

super cute..

like a doll!!!! hahas.. and i like it XD

so far in camp this few days have been having the course..

okay im like enjoying the days there.. indeed its paradise.. cuz i have yet to come across any of the work which is in other camps the technicians have to complete their task and to repair loads of cars and getting themselves super dirty and oily everyday..

hmmm.... but however.. i must admit that its really fun in that place OETI..

today.. somehow.. since ytd.. my chest pain somehow.. keep on making me feel some dull pain in the chest.. hmmm.. at least now im feeling no pain.. since the time i sit down and not moving around too fast..

now better le =)

and im so looking forwards for time to pass asap!! >.<

*i am missing dear dear.. =(*
can i pray for the time to pass by faster mah.. pls pls??

2009-01-15T22:36:00.005+08:00

a day at the fire fighting and 1st aid learning again..

some wad awareness of the dangers in the public.. rather lame.... =x

hmmm.. spent some time with my dear dear after her work ended today....

somehow din get any dinner at all cuz both of us dun feel like eating yet and cuz im rather full and yet dear dear got gastric pains and till it become rejecting food le.. haiz.. =((

hmmm.. made dear dear unhappy due to me falling aslp and nt TRYING to be awake by setting alarm clock has begun to make her unhappy.. thou it wasn't de 1st time.. to girls maybe it might be rather big a problem.. but im seriously trying my best to gif u all my attention le..

i can only try to cure this problem and to adjust some things and thinkings. but i hope dear dear u can understand and accept for things and what i am right now too..
*missing you all the times... but im sure there are times you ask asking yourself... "is HE really thinking of me?*
i dun wan this to be a problem nor anything to obstruct your emotion eitherways.. pls dun let things get in the way because of such things.. they are NOT worthed being a problem to affect our relationship..

2009-01-11T22:25:00.002+08:00

a slp-less night ytd..... >.>

think i slpt for around 5 hours maybe?? hmmm don't wanna think about it any further..

had swenson's breakfast meal today with dear dear as she came over my place today =))

as usual time together is forever sweet.. xD

the breakfast meal is nt bad btw.. but rather oily.. a bit heavy for a breakfast.. should be suitable for eurasians but nt for asians bah..

hmmmm.. for lunch.. din had much things.. =x cuz the breakfast rather heavy.. and hmmm went down to city link for walk to see see look look at dear dear de clothings.. ended up spending lots of $$ onto one shop.. around 14x for 5 pieces of clothings... this shop is like.. SO fittin for dear to get her clothes... wonderful to walk around city link once in a while.. time to start walking around again..

and then when its time to go for lesson today.. hahas.. dear dear was inside the studio recording the whole time.. and i suppose i got no mood to carry on act like a normal student inside.. just feeling happy cuz of the mood of having dear around me! =x

hmmm.. finish recording.. HARMONIZING in recording is tough job ahz. >.>

hmmm.. back to her place.. saw some fei lun hai thingys.. quite interesting... wad stomach air and bloatness and some stomach flu maybe im nt sure of it.. hmmm.. true for me.. but i suppose my stomach is needing more attention bahz =x

hmmm.. thats all for today.. >.<

*thanks dear for the belt!! its nice.. XD i love it so much.. but i love you more!! =x*

2009-01-10T22:50:00.002+08:00

ok hmmm..

something i'll wanna post it up =)

i wanna make a blog shop if possible.. lets see if it shall work out =)

idea will be.

theme based of females dressings.

from top to toe if possible....

and try to make up a talk site if possible.. the concept is something of like where people go there to post comments and introductions of products they bought and why they like or dislike that thing and let all kind of people that gets to see it know abt their existance and what does it do to them.. e.g. a kind of perfume that's gd and and maybe reasonable pricing but somehow it crapped up and wishes to complain something abt it?? =x

today.. went out with dear dear!!! >.>

ahhh somehow lost one plaster =x sian.. tot my plaster in wallet wun be so lonely le =x

hmmm.. and tmr is sunday soon.. another day to get pass by once again...

hahas. hope i din forget how to swim btw.. =x

missing someone in process too >.<

2009-01-04T22:46:00.002+08:00

spent my new year with dear dear. at clark quey in the end.. okay.. sat on an area which was so crapped that both me and my dear gets to see just mere portion/fraction of the fireworks. and jerry commented. "at least u heard the fireworks blowing off..." omg. thanks for that.. lols.. >.<

but then.. a new yr with dear dear is something that happened and better than anything i could ask for isn't it? hahas.. * everyday seems like a holiday when im being with my dear happily as i could feel her beside me and she loves my accompany =)*

new yr resolutions to be made. =)

i've came up with some some time back... hehes..

hmmm.. i came up with such a thought.. that i read much about from the book i've been reading on.

everything humans does is cuz of 2 factors. what we do. for pleasure, and pain..

its because we love the pleasure of spending $$ that is the force that push us to work. but we then we fear the pain of having insufficient $$ that we work too.. when both of them comes together. it makes us go to work. right? =)

so. i need to find out the pleasure and pain that makes me seriously push myself hard enough that i will do things more seriously and nt acting as lazy as i am. anyone. help me pls? =)

and.. hmmm.. another thing.. i need to be making myself more useful to people. so that they will need me more often. that itself makes it a value. that people will cherish me more than they already are.. that not only includes to my dear. but to my friends too.. so that in return. i could then ask for things or help when i seriously need... from those that can supply me my needs =)

hmmm.. in deep thought now =)

gdnites soon~

2008-12-29T22:28:00.002+08:00

hmmm..

somehow.. lately.. i've been feeling more pains.. maybe due to walkin up stairs more often in a faster pace?? + rushing around making my body feeling more pain le.. today oso rather painful..
*i hope someone will notice and finally get to come sayang me.. =(*

hmmm.. my gf getting sick soon.. and i suppose im getting too heaty le.. havin too much fried kinda stuffs liaoz.. >.<

must cut down on such foods.. nida take care of myself yea?? i still nid to make sure my gf gets to lean on me when needed ahz..

*and dear dear.. dun be angry over things like this liao ahz.. or rather bu shuang.. its somewhat making things difficult for me too =(( i dunwan dear dear to be unhappy... just let me know what u want me to do. i'll make things short and simple.. ok?? >.<*

and from now on i'll keep my mouth shut in a better way.

waitin for this wednesday and friday!!!!! >.<

2008-12-28T01:40:00.002+08:00

hmmm some days have passed by.. my appointment reaching finally.. i suppose its gonna be the time i am gonna get the result of my body condition which i am all the while unable to understand what is seriously goin on wrong with my body..

as i have been feeling weak for weeks to months all the the while =(

and yet i have been having fulfilling and fun life with friendly and important people around me..

and with dear dear of cuz!!

and have been staying with dear dear a lot of hours!! feels so nice lor...

and yet lately.. i've been getting more and more relying to dear dear le.. ahhh.. weird kinda man i am yeah~? >.<

another week is ending.. the the new yr is closing.. and our months together are increasing..

i hope i have made our time together happy all the while.. and it will be happier as time pass by!!

will i OOC? thats a new thing i've been thinking.. hope life don't change too much =) i need time to adapt too.. >.<

2008-12-22T21:40:00.002+08:00

okay...

lately i have been having more serious chest pain atks.. 2 weeks is hall endure.. by then it should be the time they find out what is the problem with me =(

and hmmm today course started.. life as a trainee started.. hmmm.. seems boring.. hahas..
life as an Auxiliary staff much nicer.. im a lazy man.. nt a chiongster.. but.. i hope i can get used to the life there as a technician trainee.. as the benefits are better and life seems much meaningful i suppose?? >.<

and.. im so anticipating to this coming wednesday!!! gonna have a half day...

plans will be..

finish work and go home bathe and change and prepare..

items to prepare.

some clothings.
harddisk with lots of shows.
camera if any.
jacket.
anything that brings fun!
last but nt least.. a smile to be brought everywhere!! =)

ahhh... im so hoping for the time to pass faster now le lor... >.<>

*7 yrs. pls get by faster.. i wanna get my ass out of being an NSF!! and start work soon!! =( so that i can be with my dear dear sooner!! >.<*

2008-12-21T21:08:00.002+08:00

hmmm.. another weekend ended le..

=(

and still i miss you the moment i realise u are gonna go home soon.. lols..

hmmm.... and and..

wanted to go for lesson.. end up nv go. due to taking care of baby made my mood sian diao cuz i really wanna spend time with my dear.. every weekend oni got like so limited hours to be with dear dear and yet this few hours make me have to stay with some other kinda things.. make me really not in a gd mood.. but what to do.. im an "uncle now"

i have to do wad i AM supposed to do lor. =(

hmmm.. had ice cream over a show.. nt bad.. we both love it!!

ahh.. i really really WAN MY DEAR DEAR TO BE WITH ME!!! =(
*i love you dear dear~~ ^^*

2008-12-21T15:24:00.002+08:00

hehe.. here i am bloggin right now.. =x

hmmm.. this morning my dear dear came over super early!! cfm she nv had enuff slp the previous night ahz.. >.<

went to had breakfast together =)

long time nv had breakfast outside in the morning during weekends le!!! hehe.. still nt bad.. but i find that the standard of the noodle dropped le.. nt as nice to eat le =(

and.. hmm.. something i am bothered abt all the times.. i dun quite like it when i lose my private time i was supposed to be spending with my dear.. and ending up doing something else in between.. really.. a very spoil de feeling.. zzz nt nice at all de feeling.. ya.. thats all.. maybe latr in the night i'll do another post..

dear dear cried just now.. haiz.. for a reason i can't tell why.. must be she is in pain somewhere i duno.. >.<

i needa be better i suppose.. =(

2008-12-16T21:11:00.003+08:00

today is a bad day..

last night while i was slping.. i was so fucked by some duno wtf nightmare with some kids with deformed bodies and one that i rmb-ed so clearly is like some kid of like 1 yr old and the head is like super big around 1.25 bigger than normal babies den nvm.. the top half of the head area is deformed till its flat on top and trying to climbs stairs and it fell off from the top..

and in the morning.. my dear girl wasn't feeling well.... told me she goin to take mc and rest more..

i supposed that she hoped i will take a rest at home since im nt feeling perfectly okay too.. but somehow it wasn't read like tt and i went to camp for work as usual.. and that is enough to make me feel bad whole day.. especially when she told me she is in bad mood.. and tell me things to make me feel no where better and somewhat i feel worse.. for the whole day..

everything i do doesn't seem to feel right.. i can't do things with this kind of attitude.. this super emo-ed attitude.. *practically everything in r/s makes me feels damn bad when its not in proper track at all.. * can say im a super stupid idiot that duno how to think well when im in a r/s.

finally off work hours.. i tried as fast as possible.. i tried to climb stairs quickly.. tried to run from mrt to home.. tried to run and get some sushi for her.. cuz she having some hunger.. i hope she will take something light b4 she has her meals cuz of i suppose she will haf gastric by the time she gets some proper lunch and if its empty it will make her stomach feeling worse.. i hope she understands how i feel and for what are the things i do..

and.. some ppl that told me that how much i miss someone doesn't seem to face with the actions i have.. i suppose.. to miss someone is not like that bah.. maybe to me my loving someone is nt that kind of missing.. maybe im nt supposed to be a gd lover.. i can't support full abt of love.. cuz my actions to seem to meet with my words..

i seriously miss her.. i am like practically can't think well when im nt with her and she is doing something or is in trouble and i would seriously hope im there to help her out as long as she is willing to allow me to.. im nt someone who says i miss her and will be able to pop to her side all the time.. its a bit.. tiring.. be fair and be serious.. there's so much things in this world almost all the things that u want to do and yet there are all sorts of reasons to make them unable to do too..

apparently.. i need to stand in other's shoes and others needs to stand in my shoes too..

i suppose im immature?? or am i.. not gd?? i need an answer somehow.. i hope my dear understands..

this is nt supposed to be a problem.. lets nt make it a problem.. my dear dear is supposed to be happy with me.. unless.. being able to miss someone and nt being able to meet ALL TIMES is a problem.. i think there's no man in this world that is able to do it.. especially man of this era.. especially those in army too..

*i hope u know.. i din mean anything to make u feel unhappy at all.. i need you to be happy for my happiness. you are the source of my only reason to be happy, for without know, there's no space for this word happiness in my vocabulary*

2008-12-15T21:38:00.002+08:00

monday passed by like this..

1 more day in army over again.. =)

and.. de same kinda shits as usual yeah..

hmm... and i am wondering if this kind of playful attitude will make me last in the r/s..

thou nt always playful.. but im playful yah.. i can be stern at times too.. >.<

but im most of the time an emotional based mammal.. >.<

*i miss u a lot.. so much my heart is crying inside.. and i can't help it nor giving it tissues..*

2008-12-14T21:53:00.002+08:00

hehes. spent a WHOLE lot of hours with my dear!!!

im so happy.. =)

for the days earlier.. =) have all been super happy ones.. im sure these are memories enough for me to be super happy for my whole life down the road..

and i've come to know what is being in happiness.. cuz i known and found a way to make my own happiness.. to believe that i will have happiness and i WILL have it!! =)

ytd did very fun thing... which is that we went out together buying each other's clothings + trying to get from top to toe!!!!! >.>

so fun!!!

hahas.. get to see dear dear change to different kinds of clothings that will let me have a different look onto dear dear.. and dear dear looking at me changing to different kinds of clothings too.. and she enjoys doing that a lot!!~ =)

*
smiles,
laughter,
hugs,
kisses,
are none more important if there is not having your existence and the feelings of u being by my side.
*

this is something i've started to grow and think deeply about too..

i hope the difference in me from the 1st day u have came to know me.. made a difference.. and made u look into and know me more..

as what i've did.. and the thing i did is that
i've learn to understand more abt you.. and to be in love which of what i know is... to accept who you are.. and i love the you being you!!! =)

and i hope dear dear.. u will accept me after getting to understand me more and more..
cuz for this is me.. the me which i feels so happy and feels like a more important existence to you. this me. which is so loved and loves myself when im having you by my side..

* as again.*
*i love you*
*more and more everyday!!*

2008-12-10T19:53:00.003+08:00

another tiring day..

did a lot of things today.. carrying packaging.. moving things. like some coolie but just a little slackier cuz no nid move too heavy but still need to carry many things..

and one thing for sure.. tmr i'll get down for singing practise and let them know abt my body condition and say i don't think i'l be coming for continous training for pg le.. i can't perform when my singing is limited by my breathing..

i'd rather spend time with my gf when i can lor =(

this week is gonna be fun.. pls don't come out with any serious problems with anything crap bahz.. >.<

as for back home today.. when im really tired too.. did so much shit things today..
and the most crap part is where my dinner at home.. my family did this to me once again and its AGAIN~... no veggie left for me.. loads of bones left.. okay.. i'll say this officially and seriously.. i nv feel like im ALWAYS a part of my family.. one e.g. is today.. they nv bother who nv gets to take their dinner yet and just take everything for their own.. win le lor.. im nt eating liao.. no mood look at bones and little amt of meat and nothing else to eat.. and whats worse.. its already when everything is cold.. nothing gives me the appetite..

*dear dear im missing you madly lah!! >.<*

2008-12-09T21:16:00.003+08:00

haiz. moodless diao.. i tried to blog abt today and a button combination of Cntrl + A.
made everything went missing..

dear dear. dun be too sad with working.. there are times when it might be a bit annoying at work..
but don't be too depressed.. cuz there's me supporting you.. and im alright one.. cuz still get to see dear dear in the end of the day in one piece.. and i dun wish to see u having any problems.. hope ur leg are not in much pain.. see u walk today like a bit weird weird one.. must be due to ur fire drill exercise.. i din wanted to say cuz i know say le oso nt much use.. but i just wanna say.. pls take care ahz..

dear dear take it easy with work ppl make blunders at times be it the working people or the ones being served.. and there are almost all kind of reasons with why some people get simpler job and some get tougher ones.. think of it in a better way.. it just proves that u are more capable and one day it will make u a better person, as u are able to handle things that any other will nv get to face in their lives..
i may be saying redundant things.. but i just want dear you to be feeling better.. there's no harm with doing a little more.. cuz its responsibility mah.. there are times when ppl look at ur effort done.. ppl will know what kind of person u are.. nt just because you do thing well.. just that u show ur effort at the right time too =)

hmm.. dear had dinner over at my place today.. just a very typical meal of a chinese household..
hope dear dear din find it too simple.. my hse is a very normal hse.. so.. can't expect anything much.. but just to say.. this kind of dishes makes me feels like im home.. and i like it in a way. =)

today i had quite an amt of times of chest pains again.. i am wondering why is it causing the MORE occurances of it again.. hmm..

dear. i miss you a lot ahz. >.<

2008-12-08T22:19:00.002+08:00

long weekend.
isn't that what everyone always loves..

well. i do love it a lot and i enjoyed it seriously thoroughly..
as i had a long long time together with my love~ =)

hmm... time together seemed too short alrdi le..
spent time over at my dear de place.. its fun definitely to be with ur love one.. waking up in the morning and to see her.. simply makes ur day worth it.. hahas.. XD

a bit too exaggerated.. but somehow its how im feeling bahz.. or most probably our WE are feeling =)

this song.. when i need you.. its simply all the while im needing you~~
>.>

and a gd thing i've begun to notice.. im very happy with my r/s..
i wonder.. how is it like when there's no quarrels in the r/s so far.. and at most oni worrying for each other abt how the other party feels.. and to make sure none of us feels sad..

if one goes on and end up crying.. de other will cry.. and if there's something worth smiling for.. 2 of us will smile.. and laugh.. and makes the funny things funnier~~ XD

make it simple. im indulging in love and happiness for this days..
and im thinking back of how we met till now.. the days pass and progressed.. up to this very day.. we met, know each other.. and now like this.. none of it is bad.. all of it is wonderful.. filled with a meaning and reason.. for us to be together even in a deeper bond..

every goodbyes mean something sad.. but also meant for us that we shud leave ourself to miss one another.. so that we will know how much we will need each other.. to understand how much we need and find out reason to know how much we meant to each other. is when we ask ourself. where are u and how are u doing now..

its a qns forever nv ending in life~
as we where there are times we part,
then we find our souls nv really did..
*i love you dear*

2008-12-04T23:44:00.002+08:00

hmmm.. today.. doesn't seem to be very happy as i think it would be..

dear dear wasn't feeling well at all.. haiz.. =(

im feeling helpless.. i can't do anything to help her or make her feel better...

as for work.. its boring today as well.. simple stuffs.. shit job as usual..

watched claymore together in the further up series.. exciting show.. dear dear somehow got caught of the show too.. but i suppose.. hmm..

pls dear. take care..
im way too worried le..

2008-12-03T20:04:00.002+08:00

alright.. quite some days no blog le.. hahas.. someone waited rather long yea..

this few days ago almost get to have dear dear de accompany around me =)

i really love the time spent with dear..

hmmm..

talk abt real stuffs..

ytd felt a lot of chest pains suddenly.. not a very gd sign.. wondering whats wrong..

and.. for today.. nt so much.. but lesser.. thats gd =)

hmmm.. working as and AS is nothing much of a difficulty.. if my army life continues like this..

im totally alright with that.. just that i want my life back as i can walk faster or even run with no problems.. -.-the shortness of breathe and pressure in chest is irritating... =(

and dear dear got too much injuries lately.. =.=
and seem to be having lack of slp the problems.. =(

hope i'll be fine as soon as possible..

as for singing wise.. hmmm... i need to practise as usual.. but im lackin in something.. which is exercise.. =(

thinking whether shud i go for the coming saturday audition.. somehow im getting to be enjoying the life in oeti and the bunch of fellas in there.. >.<

we share jokes SUPER WELL!!!
and there are intelligent ppl.. which i always enjoying being with.. =) hahas.. =x

and...
another month passed by alrdi..
dear dear..
im still so in love with you.. >.<
i know.. ppl say honeymoon period will be short.. and super sweet..
but to me.. our r/s itself its a honeymoon r/s..
will only consist of sweetness that will last me a lifetime..

let us stay in love. .Forever.

2008-11-27T22:30:00.003+08:00

我只想，你我就这样幸福，一直到老

very sleepy lately..

down with a lot of unhealthy germs/virus inside me!!!

making me lethargic almost all of the time!!!

i need to buck up on singing once again.. im losing all the things i've learnt for nt singing much around 2 mnths..

thats rather lethal.. =(

hmmm..

and dear dear.. >.<
need to take care of ur leg.. and ur body pls =(
time to welcome the end of the yr!!

dun let it overwhelm you with work.. its time to learn how to appreciate yourself and people around you!!~~ =)

2008-11-25T21:32:00.002+08:00

hmmm.. 2 days just passed by like tis.. ytd was boring.. nothing much happened..

helped shit jobs thats all.. and hahas.. its a gd time to slp lately.. >.<

but lacking of slp lately.. and im getting heaty.. need help to turn down my temperature!! =(

hmm..

abt today leh.. hahas.. time passed by as usual that kind of spd.. and finally i get my audition date =)

this coming saturday and the coming saturday after that too!!~~ =)

and im prepared!!!

with 很想你最长的电影离开地球表面 if i can do well enuff to perform it...

but i heard oni nid to sing once and ask me to act and try to act and try to dance too.. hahas..

i'll show my passion in everything!! =)

today dear dear came.. =)

spice and wolf.. a nice show~~ recommended to all!!!

and dear dear had gastric pain till going home le den tell me one.. after asking and asking..

zzz.. dear not honest le. =(

sadded..

dear dear.. i love you!!
and im missing dear dear again lerz.. haiz..
miss you miss you miss you miss you miss you!!

2008-11-23T21:57:00.002+08:00

been bz this few days..

either bz stoning.. or bz goin out.. or bz talkin to my dear girl..

hmmm..

time has passed by so soon..

been around 3 mnths since entering army..

and being around tt amt of time since i got myself into a r/s

should be asking myself and ppl of being inside r/s

this are things i often ask myself.. but sometimes i forgotten this too..

whats the reasons of u doing things for others??
eh. i dun do anything for anybody. oni for people i think worthed helping out..
whats the 1st reason why u told urself u love that person??
cuz i really do. and there's lots of reason to it.. but the most of all. its love, its unexplainable..cuz for what i love abt that person is. it is she who perfects me. without her.. im empty.
whats the reason by the end of the day u wish to see or get as a result of being with that person you love??
is to be able to be together be it understanding each other by any kinds of means like bickering and misunderstanding, as long as we are willing to accept how and what we are.. and to love what and who they are.. and to be able to embrace everything abt what they are and what they are nt.. that'll be the main thing of my life being in r/s =)

and dear.. i don't want anything to happen between us.. with everything that has gone so far..
anything you have in mind and nt telling to me.. im sure there's a reason.. but.. if its goin to painful to keep it to urself.. its always reasonable to share it out with me.. cuz.. if u are nt gonna tell me.. im just going towards to a level called.. a stranger..
cuz it will be like, every time a thing is kept from me.. will raise me a lvl to become a stranger.. and if it gets too much.. i'll be a total stranger by then.. better keep me near.. by telling me more abt u.. cuz this is me.. unless dear dear dun wish to accept me.. for this is who i am.. =)

hmmm.. the ending of the yr is coming.. i shall ask myself more qns by then.. which is.. what of me is different from the me of the previous yr.. cuz.. i only allow myself to improve and nt remain stagnant.. its life to improve. nt to decay only.. haha!~ =x

ok blog again nxt time.. =x

2008-11-17T19:12:00.002+08:00

today,

a rather down-ed day..

came to know that dear dear isn't feeling very well..

and myself i felt a new form of pressure on de body... its rather more painful form of pressure just now.. and i felt the gush of pressure up my head.. its new.. its dangerous.. i don't quite understand how to describe it.. hmm.. hope tmr the answers shall reveal themselves to me..

and then..

finally home and called dear up.. voice super down..

hmmm.. dear.. dun get so down.. its work.. don't bring them home.. don't let it interfere with ur life outside of ur work.. cuz outside of ur work.. u are a happy girl with a satisfied life goin on isn't it?? >.<

and abt ur toothache.. better take care.. keep on enduring the pain doesn't bring u anything gd.. dear dear nt gd at tolerating pain.. ur temper will fly up and down de.. dun flare up ahz.. >.<
patience oso de..

see how.. tmr after work find u.. its something i wanna do for dear dear de.. at least im assured u are feeling well..

and when i reached home today.. there's conflicts going on around in de hse..

people often have conflicts, but how can one attain a proper kind and ends up with a constructive result??

it depends on how "words" are used and what kind of toning is used in the conversation..
but firstly, what kind of state are they in so as they will speak in a happier and cheerful mood?? so that everything sounds pleasant??
on the other hand, being in an annoyed or a bad mood will cause every kind of small harmless comments sound like a sharp arrow shootin to their head blowing their temper off..

learn and observe if what kind of observation can be done to eleviate the mood 1st b4 speaking any kind of conversations that might occur multiple clashing views..

dear ahz...

try to get well ahz..

don't get urself into too much of pain..

let the weekdays pass by as normal as possible and think of how to handle the weekends to come!! =)

2008-11-16T22:52:00.002+08:00

another day passed by..

another day to say the words again..
i love you
hahas =)

days passed by.. hmm..

felt pains here and there as usual..

tuesday is coming..

i'll finally be able to find out whats actually goin on wrong with my body.!!!

and im happy nv i get to end up in hospital b4 the day of specialist visit!! =)

dear dear knocked onto the bus handles just now.. must be super pain.. haiz.. better rub lightly on it till there's no bruise on it k.. if nt tmr super pain den jia lat le..

final thought... prays for the time to pass by like this all the while..

wondering am i turning soft..

i need you like water like sun like air..

2008-11-15T00:07:00.002+08:00

hmmm..

been days since i've last blogged..

ok.. i hate being to have only 400bucks a month..

it feels really really retarded..

today i felt a lot more pain that i nv felt anything ytd..

something is not right bahz.. =x

i'll start from wednesday..

i took mc for my tonsils actually feel unwell and its somewhat swollen, that's why i am having lots of phlegm + mucus.. they asked if i am feeling nausiatic.. ok im feeling some of it now.. time for me to take that medication liaoz..

i've been very nice taking a lot of medication everyday lor..
=(

i dun like being unwell/sick..

hmm.. ok thurs.. another boring day.. pass by boring-ly..

missing dear lots.. and dear missing me madly.. i can feel it too.. >.>

hahax.. i think dear start to think that if there's a comparison, in who loves each other more.. i think dear will think she loves me more liao.. like what i said from the start =X

then today.. hmmm.. was resting all the while till my mother went out and i had to help out a little bit with my nephew

he started to shit lah.. come in play wires lah.. climb here and there bringing out all the things in the cupboard lah.. and sort... very curious kid..

>.<

den dear dear emo-ed..

sad lor.. i nv mean to not reply dear de.. ahhh =(

felt very sad.. hmmm..
tears somewhat came out when she said she don't what to hear my voice..

den finally met up with dear dear.. finally get to see her smiling le.. "finally" =s

ok den went out with her.. had too much eating.. my breathing starts to hurt.. think my chest area is congested with unknown things.. >.<

apparently my rib cage is trying hard to give way to the expanding chest?? hmm..

here i am wondering too.. but luckily.. one and half hours later the discomfort went off.. den i believe i'll be able to recover de.. i believe in the specialist im gonna see on this coming monday!!

hmmm.. how am i able to start earning more $$.. with the amt of things i alrdi have.. hmm..

what do i REALLY HAVE!! thats the main qns =)

hmmm i need to think what i have as an asset and what do i NOT have and WHAT i NEED.. =X

dear ahz.. dun say u dun wanna see me or talk to me or anything.. i'll feel really.. very sad de... >.<

im a sensitive boy u know de.. haiz.. >.<

i know dear is sensitive too.. i'll try to remind myself nt to say anything hurtful or offensive de..
I'll TRY!! >.<

i love ur smile.. keep it there!! >.<

2008-11-10T20:59:00.002+08:00

hmmm.. boring day today..

had morning duties again..

pain came and go off as usual..

working in army is boring when u are nt in proper condition..

practising songs as usual for a short time.. =x

hmm i nida do something abt my throat too.. hmmm...

dear dear today nt in proper condition..

lately nv slp well.. see lahz =(

not alert liao ler..

hmmm jia you okay~ >.<

dun blur blur den hit any part of ur body like ur leg today liao alright?? ke lian lor.. hit till toe.. very painful one..

and especially when u can't get used to having pains on body.. pls do take care ahz..

*prays for ur leg*

waitin for *huu huu exercise to begin*

lolx.. =X

hmm.. monday ended just like this.. the days to my specialist is coming..

conclusion.. hope my body gets well.. but i hope to get a downpes.. =x

i wish to be fit! nt weak!!!

gd nite ppl.. rest well... tonight is cooling.. shud be nice to slp.. nitez..

2008-11-09T00:21:00.002+08:00

我没良心吗？

hmmm..

time to rethink abt thoughts..

need to seriously talk a lot too.. =X

hmmm..

had a long day with dear~! =))

and.. sorry dear.. injured ur hand.. *gif lots of huu huu* =(
really sorry.. haiz.

was at marina with dear and the blurish couple. bt and sh =x

marina barrage is an interesting place.. but then.. DAMN ULU~~~

gt a pretty spot for watching fireworks and everything.. hahas..

a nice place for marriage proposals =x

had lots of sweet pics with dear =)

and the other couple should have their happy time together passed very well too =)

watched sunset.. if only there's lesser clouds.. hahas.. even thou the skies today is quite pleasant.. >.<

hmmm..

end of de day qoute~

AM I really so 不良 anot?? =(

if i am no gd. let me know. don't let me remain as someone who don't know what i did something wrong.. if there ever is. pls say.. i don't like to do retarded things especially repeatedly =(

2008-11-07T23:46:00.002+08:00

awesome day.

diahorrea in the early morning as continued from the day b4..

and hmmm.. went to see doc in 6am.. and den got no MC

a bit sian diao-ed..

and reached camp..

no mood to do anything..

know that dear have little amt of work..

know that dear dear got have her meal.. (yet. curry.. with an ultra pain ulcer de day b4..)

i don't think i should ask dear dear to try to drink more plain water..
i think dear is beginning to find him.. TOO naggy.. well maybe i am..

wad else.. i was asked to do some paper work.. which when im nt slping im reading books.. and others slping.. i got to be selected.. how fair right.. -.-

and especially when that person to selected me hates ppl to be slping.. and i wasn't slping..

until after that i try to get some more slp..

the medicine im taking is really drowsy.. =(

somehow.. a call came to tell me i having lessons from the nxt week on.. AUV class starting already.. im waitin for it to come for quite some time le.. but

the me previously is different from the me i am now..

i have things i need to do as my main objective..

i wanna spend more time with my girl..

i nid to improve on singing. but from this condition and situation i am in. its rather difficult as time isn't very flexible..

im losing my faith in myself..

im getting exhausted easily.. which im trying hard to be the same as i was..

i still am very concerned no matter how dear u think..

can i beg i am gonna know??

i believe that i told u this, as long as u request, i believe there's nothing that will be able to stop me from doing it..

communication is VERY impt in r/s

without it we'll lose the biggest war.. which is the beginning to lose ourselves before we lose our own will and chain of thoughts due to misunderstanding..

i dun believe this is sufficient for us to get into any dilemma to distrust any of us..

pls..

i just wanna be together forever.. no matter how i behave.. i truly have only one thought in my mind

i only wanna say "i do" to the man and then put on a ring for u to seal our fate together and forever.

2008-11-06T20:36:00.002+08:00

haiz..

dear dear wan me to feel bad.

win le.

ytd forget to tell dear dear i had a sharp pain in chest.. =x

and today so far oni having some feeling like pressure and some pains once in a while too.. in the chest tt is.. luckily this few days i nv feel anything very bad when slping..

so slping at nights has been very smooth..

dear dear ahz.. hope u can recover asap.. >.<

*huu huu~* virtually till u can get it physically during weekends k.. XD

ahhh I WANNA RUNNNN
PLAY SPORTS..

AHHH~~!!! =(

2008-11-04T23:18:00.003+08:00

pain pain day..

today my chest hurting more than usual..

i wonder what has caused it..

maybe tmr i'll be admitted to hospital.. still thinking if i shud serious do something like that..

dear dear having some ulcer in the throat..

get well soon k..

songs songs songs songs.. i nida practise singing!!!

feel like reading language books.... >.<

and self improvement types.. =x

nvm.. time to rest.. nights ppls..

2008-11-03T21:38:00.002+08:00

ahh.. =)

long time no post le.. hmmm.. i think dear dear must have been waitin VERY long le..

hahas.. had lots of time with dear dear!!

time is sweet..

hahas.. did something cute.. i think dear likes it? =)

a cure for de lack of my love.. called.. "love capsules" ? hahas.. interesting name right =x

but i doubt its any useful.. just something that helps make dear dear feel my sincerity!!!!!

>.<

hahas..

hmmm.. body feeling easily exhausted.. but getting used to it liao..

and dear dear actually put it into a rather cute bottle just nice to fit them it!! hahas =x

hmmm... and to say.. this few days.. time has passed by sweetly..
while a bit of disturbing here and there..

this morning got some banglah idiot bang de bike on to my poor girl...
i cant do anything to help.. =(

can oni "HUU HUU" nia.. =x

and hahas.. i'm DAMN broke ahz.. =( so sad.. i nid more $$

and lately have been reading a book abt pain and pleasures..

hahas.. what an interesting thing isn't it..

qoute of the day..

everything we tries to do.. its linked with pain and pleasure..

an e.g.

if we go to work.. there's some possibilities of why we try to go to work..

e.g. 1..
the pain of goin to work and tire ourselves or to spend time on working when there's other things u might wanna do, and the pleasure to get more $$ to spend and enjoy the spendings..
e.g. 2..
the pleasure of working to kill time while even having more pleasure by thinking positively your working mates are fun to be with while having the pain of not having time to spend the $$ well.

interesting right?? hahas =)

i'll wanna be earning the $$ 1st.. and then thinking of how to spend the $$ afterwards when i have spare time along!! =x

a bit unreal. but tt's just a thought.. hahas =x

tts for tonight.. cyaz ppl =)

*hugs* hope u like the present from me hahas =)

2008-10-30T23:22:00.002+08:00

ahh.. another few days passed by..

now number one main thing.. i nid to get into MDC.. i nid to get xfer-ed there!!!

i nid to practise up my songs..

be it if its english songs.. if i am supposed to go there.. im gonna maximise my abilities.. since i have the time to right? =)

fast songs and doing sports is nt a choice for me now.. even short distance running is like a taboo to me.. or else someone will get so angry.. and end up worrying and finally sad..

haiz. sorry.

finally friday is coming.. =) weekend is here!!!!!

2008-10-27T22:21:00.005+08:00

the long weekend ended..

hmmm.. looking back, my flu nv really full cure.. its still there.. zzzzzz....

and for my chest pain.. hmm.. can say this week its somewhat getting lesser everyday.. the attacks don't seem to come as much for these past few days.. thou one of the day had a lot of atks =x but its over! =)

and dear leh.. nv really get well yet.. still so scared of cold. dear de weakness!! freezy things.. but hahas. im always warm.. so im nt her weakness.. and instead, her source of power..

hmmm.. carrying on with the day..

hahas met up dear at the mrt, while thinking we might be late.. well im there early but late to reach there cuz of .... unforseen circumstances haha! =x

and met up with dear dear, sh, yy. and then rachel, weizhen, junpei, and many blah blahs i duno de name sorry • many times =x

and then.. CHEN LIANG actually overslept.. can see that's he is too tired to attend lah.. so much things to do too.. >.>

and people famous le.. hope he can get far into his dreams.. =)

hmmm as for the food!! thanks for the treat =)

i had 木瓜牛奶米粉加猪扒 wonder did i spell wrongly haha!! my chinese is nt very gd.. thou nt bad.. but just plain normal ability with chinese.. haha! =x
and back to the food wise.. i like the soup a lot!! =) and the papaya is omg~ sweeeet~~!!! =) but a little salty... yet.. its nice and im able to finish it up anywayz!!

and dear had some black pepper steak, nt bad taste.. rather sweet sauce for the black pepper.. and~~ rather high protein, meat meat meat~!! =x
then yy had some maggi mee with luncheon + egg.. seems simple and he said its plain.. hmm.. im more interested with different taste kinds of food!! =x
den for sh. a curry with bread.. rather thick taste =) quite nice.. and dear took some.. =.= hope and pray tonight she wun feel unwell to be slp ahh =(
and for rachel is some western too~~ bread with egg and ham.. hahas.. looks simple.. and perfectly fine for her appetite i suppose!! =)

and then almond papaya.. looks gd... taste.. burnt.. rather weird.. a bit of torturing to see dear stuffing it into her mouth >.< luckily it does taste sweet... if nt dear will 100% feel bad.. hahas..

and.. hmmm.. the long weekend finally ended.. hmmm.. time to work again.. tmr to working again!!! hope i can get sufficient rest tonight.. if nt my flu kick up again tmr i go see doc liao.. =X
>.< and for that, will be the 2nd time i'm even RSO.. so little right.. see i so guai =)

tickle tickle tickle!! =)

loves my super cute dear.. loves to call her lao po~ =x but make dear feel old like tt.. maybe time to come i'll use it~ hahas =x

hope my warmth and pass down to dear.. i don't need it that much.. cuz i dun like to be HOT!! >.<>

and dear needs to be more warm.. dear too afriad of cold le =(
nid to learn how to take care ahz..
*muacks*

2008-10-27T08:37:00.001+08:00

haiz. something nt right. i don't seem to be able to take my sleep well ytd night..

something is sooo wrong..

hmmm..

=( been missing dear~ >.<

2008-10-27T02:59:00.002+08:00

hmm another day passed by.. today de time together with dear dear.. is slightly lesser..

dear say she had an unlucky day today.. lets ignore the unhappy parts..

hahas. but i said seeing me will make dear happy de!! and as predicted.. hahas =)
*right dear? =X cuz i can bring happiness everywhere around u!

and hmm.. met up with sh and yy.. hahas. i gave yy some qns to ponder abt himself how he should try to have a reason to hope for a tmr. which will bring him a future after the tmr and many tmrS after the present he is in now..

hmmm.. had a heels thats suitable found.

and gd. dear quite like it.. its plain.. but plain.. is something neat.. and neat is nice!! =)
confidence brings out u when u wear something.. u dun make confidence into your shoes and make them wear u right? =)

hmm.. met up with tuck hong.. and zhi yuan... and its super saddening to see both of them smoking..

its a sad thing.. when i heard from tuck hong yrs back that even he thinks that smoking is bad. and still he started to smoke le...

conclusion.. some people knows something is bad. YET they will still try to do it. =(

some people are just so.. sad... learn to hold your meanings of your words..

ahh.. and den went to drink drink.. end up yy emo-ed and started to drink quite a lot and words start to come out rather...... ehem..

hmmm.. dear nids to have better slp!! =(
i nid one too i suppose.. haha! but think tonight will slp super long. cuz i think im rather exhausted le. =x
tonight shall be for both of us to rest well!!!!

i wan a happy and smily dear!!
*shy one is super cute too =X*

2008-10-26T00:45:00.003+08:00

hmmm.. eventful day again!!

dear came over.. morning din feel really good.. took medicine..

played with my nephew.. hahas he actually looked emo on my bed when he was staring blank into the mattress on the side..

slack till time to go out..

met up with dear de polymates.. bunch of funny people..

hahas.. apparently there's a couple that's left out.. and nt bcuz of either of them is left out.. is both of them seemed to be rather out of the picture... >.<

apparently the guy which is supposed to be with the clique seems to be distant from the group.. he nids to know how to handle his life and his friends around him.. =x

but!! hahas.. hafiz looks like a joker yet nv joke much.. rey looks super serious yets friendly.. cheng is funny and super protective to the gf too!! haha.. yihui looks rather calm kinda guy.. looks friendly + steady one.. alvin seemed to be too bz with his own thoughts all the time.. keisha. ok i duno how to spell.. she seems. ok i duno. haha! jia hao + gf. seems to be in their own world all the time =X

hmmm...

dear super happy todaY!! hahas =)

thats a super gd thing u know.~

and hmm.. dear nids to learn how to control the temptations to cold food le laaa >.> now coughing liao la see lah. (z_z)

hope dear dear will have a sweet dream tonight too!!

ur smiles lasted the whole day today.. tmr will be the same way too!! =)

2008-10-25T10:43:00.002+08:00

had a wonderful day ytd.

a whole day of joy finally..

but i got exhausted real fast lately..

lack of proper slp i think? >.<

can't help it =(

body breaking down.

waitin for recovery..

hmm.. had a feast ytd night..

that's too much le.. cuz its accumulative one!!

ahh.. another day of heavy meals =S

keke. my dear is too cute le lah.. >.<

2008-10-23T22:36:00.002+08:00

不爽

okay. i dun think i haf much to say for today other than that.

and 2nd phrase..

Win Liao Lor....

if u think. or anyone thinks.. i did something damn wrong.. pls tell me now. thanks.. it will be gladly appreciated...

beginning to wonder..

2008-10-19T22:05:00.002+08:00

another weekend just ended..

don't really have much mood to blog much.. hmm..

dear came over today.. slacked around till we left my place to meet sh at orchard..

and my nephew bruce cried cuz of us leaving the hse without him again!! >.<

de sad face is so sadddd... filled with sadness.. but wad to do.. >.> we go out and he nv dun get to go out..

hmm.. had her favie ice cream.. hmm.. a bit of uneasiness and uncomfortable while eating ice cream today.. hmmm.. think im nt feeling well and unable to slp well ytd was for a gd reason. maybe my body aint feelin gd at all and i just din know.. hmmm..

( to dear..) truthfully.. the pain comes and goes away.. its almost all the while there de.. yahh.. like tt lor.. den i can sae.. one day randomly it feels painful at different kind of timings too.. =( so don't get to worried too much. or u will nv end worrying le.. =(

and and.. let me say wad i do will feel a bit weird or dizzy or breathing pains..

walking fast while talkin/ after taken meal.. pains a bit while breathing
coughing after feeling uncomfortable or trying to clear throat of phlegm.. same pain
sneezing applies too... same pain
climbing stairs feel dizzy spells for 1-3 secs..
running wun feel weird.. after that breathing might/might nt feel pain/dizzy..

normally it wun last very long.. some time 10 mins.. some times 1-3 mins.. sometimes super fast or slow.. random de..

hmmm.. conclusion. dun get too bothered abt it.. i'll say if there's a need to.. =) or u wan me wad thing oso say.. just let me kno.. i'll let dear know as much as u can k..

eh.. hope dear will still get to enjoy her ice cream when she needs to =)
i'll stop having it lahz >.> i know my part and wad i am supposed to do..

i don't like to see you having tears of pain or unhappiness...
your tears are meant for gd memories and joy..
don't waste them k.. =)

2008-10-19T00:25:00.002+08:00

ahhh.. fell ill again.. =/

ytd nv really do much things.. i think.. my memory not working very well now.. =/

brain dying due to exhaustion now too.. haha! =x

ahh.. hmmm.. comments abt my body..

eh.. not really recovering from the chest pain. hope it will gradually get better as time comes..

apparently its still no gd.. today compared to the whole week. today a lot of times of the painful feeling comes up..

hmmm.. there's something i wanna say.. its painful to see u getting in pain..
its so painful to see your tears dropping..
even thou its nt me which caused it. or if its gonna be me that caused it..
i wanna be there to make and see u smiling.. thats the sweetest thing i can ever get de..

i suppose im recovering from flu liaos.. starting to feel better a bit.. but i still feel rather dizzy one.. somehow still a bit gong gong hahas.. but!! recovering = very gd le =)

like this and one weekend pass by ler..
i'm thinking how to get to study leh.. i wanna get into U.. i think i'll wanna get into business course.. i'll wanna do my own business and make sure things goes well.. lets see how things gonna work.. i'll do my planning properly!! =)

as for singing wise.. back in pg le.. i think i am nt as well as compared to previously where i sing a lot and practise a lot.. now im like.. somewhat foreign to singing ler.. must get it back.. hahas..

hope i dun lose my ability to sing yet..

i'll wanna sing nicely to dear too de!! to be able to make everyone touched by my voice.. even if im nt gonna be a gd singer.. i'll still wanna be able to convey messages of feelings and emotions to everyone that will be able to listen to my voice!! hahas =x

alright.. that's all for today.. reflection of the day..

its time i do something abt plannings.. hahas =)

2008-10-16T21:38:00.001+08:00

eh... another day spent at home.. resting properly today.. hahas =)

hmm.. slacking at home and playing with nephew while played some games of dota.. XD

missing dear.. thinking what dear is doing from time to time.. >.<

and hmm.. dear nt happy mood today de.. tried to surprise her by going to taka to buy venezia ice cream.. but that choco mint flavor sold out!!!! angriieeee!!!! ROAR!! zzzzz.. pek cek diaozz.. hate this feeling zzz...

haiz.. end up meeting dear den just send dear home like tis lor.. T.T
haiz pai seh ah.. end up wasting effort and feeling sianed..
end up dear haf to comfort me for my down diao de feelings..

ahh.. indulging myself in songs again!! =)
hope my life would be better.. >.<>.<

2008-10-15T21:55:00.002+08:00

ahh.. a day of my bdae.

15.10.08

ok. nice date to spend for the 1st time of my whole life i actually recieved a lot presents for my bdae!! gratz to myself.

hahas. a nice day to be spent with my gf. =)

dear is super sweet lahhh.. where to find such a gd gf rite.. 10am alrdi met me up at my place.. >.<

hmmm.. today super slpy.. nt very energetic..

and body failing. a bit of fever earlier.. >.> and yet i din kno =X

hahas..

hmmm..

had dinner with yy + sh + dear of cuz..
at pizza hut.

hmm.. and had a lot of food!! and a ending meal with a bdae cake of cuz.. hahas. and then after that got my present.. a jacket i last time saw in ripcurl~ they gave me as present.. >.< its nice ahz =)

nt bad ahz. quite gd.. and finished the dinner faster rush home to rest up liaoz.. >.<

super tired siaa.. >.<

2008-10-13T19:59:00.002+08:00

hmm.. another day has passed..

rather a. lesson learnt. how boring one can get..

OETI = Only Eat, Talk & Idle... cool rite? =x

but a boring place actually.. hahas.. hope i get to enjoy my time there till i get to MDC bahz.. >.>

makes me think of dear more.. >.<
thanks to all de free time i get. =x

wonder what dear is doing now. she nv reply me msn super long ler. =s

2008-10-12T22:41:00.003+08:00

hi all. long time no post le

i had a nice time with dear lately.. i bet dear missed me too much. and made dear worried too much for me.. duno how much tears had come out from her eyes just for my sake..

the bdae celebration is super gd!! i love dear de presents. hahas.. actually.. u are the best present i could ever have.. i nv had such a feeling of being treasured by someone. its a super sweet feeling.. im so touched my tears actually fell down now by just thinking back.. i really appreciate all the things u did. =) dear ur de best!! >.<

dear is super gd le.. u did very well to make me happy.. what dear did so far is sweet, its sincere, i appreciate it. and i know how u feel for me. i feel like im no where gd either. especially with my body like this and my mind thinking wrongly.. i hope u get what i meant. hahas.. since that day b4 entering army i've been feeling bad over that thing.. hmm.. till now.. maybe i still feel a bit weird.. but! i hope i nv do anything wrong so far, and i really wish for dear to smile and be de cutest and happiest whenever your time is spent with me =)

all i could do for dear so far is only making you worry.. i oso duno wads wrong with my body why is it failing.. im sorry.. but i'll be fine in time.. so no worries!!

i won't leave u. NOT YET. for that. i promise =)
and i know dear will make sure my promise come true too right?

i got OOT-ed le.

thanks to some heart problem..

ok. dear has been worrying for some time..

time to expose everything to everyone..

i think i know what and why i will get to feel pain. cuz i used the wrong way too breathe when i 1st ran some super far distance and continous way to run.. hmmm.. and i know what i injured..

my heart.. i feel like its getting weaker + painful lately.. hmm but i'll be fine. definitely.

dear nothing much to worry..

but truthfully. im experience weak faint spells when i try to walk faster while talking + running/walking up the stairs + taking heavy stuffs to move around + anything of moving with constraining my chest muscles.

been a bit more emo. hahas. cuz im nt feeling very well.. sometimes i can't feel my pulse of my heart.. im afraid to leave dear only.. hmm..

and mum tried to ask to see some priest/monk..

wow. my mother oso nv know abt how im feeling that person actually know whats wrong with me and know how my pain is coming from too.. and say im nt feeling very well.. hahas.

well.. there's nothing to hide now le. i know im tired. i know i can stop breathing for some time without feeling any thing wrong. hahas.. scary i know.. but hmm.. i nid to live on.. =) there's simply too much things i nid to hang on and live forward for.

i want my 7 yrs to come.
i want to sing more songs for dear.
i want to have childrens with her for us to live longer together.
i want to wake up having dear beside me!! >.<>

and. the talks i always have with u, its nt something that is 不切实际的 all comes from within my heart.. im nt doing and saying things cuz i like to cheat people feelings.
what i say and do. seriously comes from within my heart.. hope dear really understands.
i will wanna marry dear some day de. just. im weak now. i know. i'll learn. i'll improve. i'll be better.. thats my wish list of my life..

[dear i love you lots]

2008-10-05T18:16:00.002+08:00

ok, another time to book in today.

dear came over today.. =)

i still am feeling weak. hahas. nt as warm as i am suppose to be normally.. >.<

DFC can make it one. im sure of it =)

dear. pls take care of urself. try nt to drink so much cold drinks when especially into the evening ahz. ur face looks like suffering a lot of pain lor.. =(

and pls. i really dun mean it that way when i said that "go die lahz" seriously regret loads when i speak such words accidently.. no matter how much u believe me anot. i'm serious..

booking in again. boredom shall start to surround my life again liaoz!! sian.. >.<

ahz... im missing u again right now... so fast. hahas.. >.> dear. thanks for the time spent with me so till now. cya again nxt week!! hehe.. =)

2008-10-04T21:23:00.002+08:00

had myself out of training for quite a number of days,
missing the time i had fun together with my bunk mates and the whole platoon..

a crap song i/c as well as a platoon ic i had with the time i had inside this funny platoon with funny mates of all sorts..

people says that after someone enters into army their character changes. perhaps mine grown weaker looking at myself and my body weakening gradually..

the pain nv ended everyday.
had one day that i woke up in the middle of the night nt long ago due to a sudden sharp pain on the chest again liao. =(

and im missing my girl so much cuz she nv get to rest well due to her sudden asthma attack after getting in the rain.. make me worry so much.

why must we be so unhealthy at the same time. and my body is nt turning wel.. my stomach dun seem to working properly at the same time too.. wonder is my upper body getting problems or wad. =x

had been singing a lot lately in the bunk.. missing the times i get to sing a lot at home/ lws singing lessons.

needs a lot of chances to go back lwssom to sing!!

i want my time to enjoy/work to earn $$

dear. im gonna get something for u. hahas. im sure u know it too. and i kno dear will wanna know what kind of thing u will get from me too right? but i nid some time hahas. lately i no time to go out alone to shop ya. =X but i'll still want my time together with u too..

hmmm.. im missing u lots in the army. now got hp ler. can hear ur voice. at least wun cry. heart wun pain so much.

and hmm.. i know u said all guys might be like tt.. normally expecting others to do it and not expecting self to do something. hmm.. its a tendacy to expect from others and forget that they are nt the exclusive people. humans make errors. let them know and gradually change along the way one. =)

hmmm.. and hahas.. dear. =)
stay healthy. i know i am suppose to stay healthy too.. i'll rest up and make my body grow stronger gradually.. at least something i will wanna make it come true. i wan my 7 yrs latr de !!! >.<

im anticipating the day i get to share my warmth with u de moment i wake up with my eyes on u and my shoulder by urs on the side too! hehe. and.. thanks for the time u spent with me. i know it is very super trouble for u.... and im nt really happy abt it and is somewhat bothered too.. haiz. im weak.. but i'll recover... den that time u got no reason to nt allow me send u home ler.. dear i love u lots ahhhh.. army is wasting my time (this conclusion nv stopped). =x!

2008-10-01T09:35:00.002+08:00

ah. another day of booking out.

tiring times in army..

im OOT-ed. a bit sad. cuz im like an extra now.

wonder whats wrong with my body. dun seem to understand.

since im alrdi OOT-ed liao.

hope i will get to nt redo another BMT. cuz redoing the confinement is a torture to nt only me but my dear girl too =(

just keep it simple pls =(

dear so nice de. always come fetch me. den go home alone. makes me feel so bad all the time..

wonder whats wrong with me lately. the times she wanna go off. im always feeling unwell.. that makes me a bit lethargic to send her home. why so suay one. when i alrdi feel bad. makes me feel worse.. =(

well. today is our 2nd month officially together.. it will turn into a sweet memory of us being together definitely =)

2008-09-28T10:31:00.002+08:00

hahas..
today booking back in again lahz.

a bit sian.
cuz nv had much time to do things i wanna do.
like playing my games. finish up all the animes..

hahas.. of cuz. the main thing is still seeing my dear and having a longer time to spend with her alone. but nt much of de chance lahz haha!!

hmm.. preparing to go out soon liao.. meeting dear de parents to go for some meals with her aunty to celebrate her bdae? hmm.. >.<

maybe bloggin again latr. hahas.. stop for now =x

2008-09-28T00:29:00.002+08:00

ahh.. another full day with dear.. =)

nice. hahas. but im missing the time if only i can spend it alone with her =)

=x

hmm

tmr booking back in.. meeting friends at around 8pm at pasir ris. nida buy things. if im waking early i'll go buy things again. since booking on sunday.. maybe i'll get to slp early in tekong too.. =s

somewhat. my feelings a bit mixed up.. for quite some time already too..

and my body is nt very gd shape now.. esp my chest. i wonder wads really goin on in my body.. =(

hope i'll be better. b4 i get to OOT from bmt without downing pes lor >.< alright.. that's all i suppose.. a bit tiring to blog a lot =x

2008-09-27T09:09:00.002+08:00

day 1 of booking into army.. =s that's some feelings that deep in me. something lonely. =x nt becuz i left home. is cuz i left that special someone i hoped to be with.

i learnt something, i want to hug her and hear her voice. but it wasn' possible at that situation..
hahas. im a weak man, actually had tears flowing out and huggin that pillow i slpt. >.< whats worse. i dun haf a phone to contact anyone thanks to certain reasons.

day 2, entered jaguar platoon 2 section 2 bed 2. hahas. nv a lonely number but a man full of lonliness i suppose.. within that army is a sad thing with no phone. >.<

in most part of the time i seemed to be unable to miss my home. but only missing my girl till my tears came out. again..

thou the training is tiring.. im supposed to go back in one piece.. thats something i need to ensure and be back home to see my dear and gif her a hug de!!

day 3, it was raining and lightnings.. with thunderstorms everywhere.. its a sad thing =( cuz it just reminds me of you and you only.. can't help keeping in back. my eyes gave up and "perspired" hahas =x and im still thinking back on that day.. on the day b4 i enter army.
ok. im still feeeling very bad..
still uncomfortable.. (still today i think? i nv knew i will be treating so seriously.. =s)

training up a lot on physical capabilities to escape ippt training on saturday!!

finally got to hear her voice. and i tried to nt cried. but tears still came out in the end. hahas

day 4, emo becuz nt the mood to do things well. missing someone madly till i no mood do anything. nv smiled nv joke the whole day.. made up my mind of training harder than anyone..
and i did hahas. ppl preparing to slp. and i will go try to do more push ups + try to do pull ups..
for ur sake. im willing to try the triple and even more multiples to improve de. =)

day 5.
im missing u again!! ok.. im weak. haha. still can't do a proper pull up yet..

day 6..

had a rifle presentation ceremony. ok. tekong island de sunrise is quite beautiful. makes me hope i can share the moments of day and nights together.. and during the night time i saw the moon. hahas...
reminded me and u and that SMS thingy.. =s

in a night sky, as we both look into the skies thinking of one another, you are the moon, almost there all the times.. and like me im almost unable to be there for u.. and thou when the stars are nt available.. and when u finally get to see the stars. they are always surrounding around the moon. and like me. i'll only do so too. =)

day7, something is nt very well with me. after the run. my chest hurts and its nt getting over.. the pain doesn't go away. and i can't breathe with a proper momentum at all.. hmm.. a bit not normal de feeling..

day 8, i felt bad.. cuz of my body is nt very normal all the while.. and then i tried to let my sergent know how my feelings and my intentions. cuz i really wanna do well for my ippt and even aim a GOLD if possible. but it seems that there's something wrong with my breathing which i dun seem to understand why. and i m missing dear madly.. =(

and im excused from a lot duties after seeing MO

day 9,
learnt a gd phrase..
you may be my adversary but not my enemy, your will is my courage, and your resistance is my strength. if i were to succeed, i will not humiliate you, i will honor you, for without you, im a lesser man.

nice isn't it?

day 10, another boring day spent. the pain the chest spreaded to the rib cage areas. and it hurts once in a while randomly.. something is nt right in me liao bah? hmm..

my jacket's still with you. hope it had done a gd job of accompanying u. as my substitute.

day 11,
became a timer.. shouting. thanks to some people dun even know how to shout timing so that the whole company get to hear properly and move as one.
luckily im a SINGER and in a way. i go there shout here and there. end up chest more painful and cannot breathe well after that..

day 12,
nv called her the night before. hahas.. too bz le.. i have to take over a lot of things just to prepare to make sure i can get to get out on time..

day 13,
the pain has been there for 6 days alrdi. nv go off.. and thanks to that. im like gonna OOT soon.. =.= nv do anything.. super lethargic. looking at ppl do PT, i go one side do mine too.. lame rite..

day 14,

yeah!! which is book out day.. haha.. the time seemed to passed super fast today..

finally had chance to see dear!! >.<>.<

dear so nice. specially came to see..
and dear nv slp well.. i felt super sad.
dear nv get to slp well and the eye bag SUPER BIG ONEE LORRR omg.. =.=

but! hahas. its something i will nv get to stop loving one. cuz u are the only cure for my heart pains =) but might be the only reason i will get any heart pain too~~

the time with dear seems so short.. hope i nv get to change much. maybe there's a distance between us.. thanks to the 2 weeks. but im sure... our hearts have always been together! =)

2008-09-13T03:08:00.002+08:00

final entry before enlistment

had a full day with dear! =)

dear came slightly earlier today.. super happy to see her. thou i felt a bit. sort of.. empty again. feeling that she will be lonely without me..

super happy time with dear and went to eat fish and co okay, the hot fudge cake is nice.. =.= and makes ppl guilty having it..

got a neckless from dear which i think.. the meaning in it is... superb!!

hmm.. simply love my dear!! for what i am when im with her and nt only what kind of person she is!! u bring out the ME!! =)

soon i'll be off to serve the army liao..

*i'll come back and say I MISSED YOU!!!*
and ask for a hug hug =)
just 2 weeks. i'll be in one piece. and be super
had a nice time singing today at the pub.. hope my songs have brought her sounds that will last her thru the 2 weeks when she miss me =) sure of it too!!~~

2008-09-12T12:01:00.002+08:00

okay. this is the final 20 hours i'll be remaining as a civilian.. hmm..

entering army soon.

the feeling is.

empty... ya. i guess it should be the feeling.

a darken sky at this moment, made me feel blue and cold.. thinking of how dear will be lonely when im nt being able to be by her side when she needs me..

okay.. truthfully, my feelings are capable to make my tears come out right now too... hmm.. im trying very hard to hold back as well =)

for my dear will be coming to meet me up. she's sweet right =)
honestly, there's no one for me to think of other than her. sorry to my friends, im just this kind of man.. i can forsake all things just for my girlfriend/wife.. for i know she's gonna be the only one i will nv wanna make her feel sad at all..
i will wanna marry her. that's for sure.

will blog further later definitely.

i guess the sky is celebrating in exchange with the color and the rain for the tears i couldn't express now too..

*ps. I Love You*

2 days to count

2008-09-11T13:37:00.002+08:00

eh. hmm.. had a super happy day with my dear ytd!!

>.< she came after work.. =3

troubled dear to take half day leave again.. leaves getting lesser and lesser.. =(

nxt time she need den duno how liao.. >.<

hehe. loves to stick close to dear!! de feeling is nice =) so call skinship? hahas.. just holding hands is satisfactory~ but more will be BETTER! haha!! *,*

pls let the time pass faster when im nt around dear too..

ahh...

wasting my time around. doing nothing much other than singing and listening to songs when im nt with her..

apparently my mother had begun to like my dear!! thats a super gd thing to happen!! >.<

i hope i can get a nice impression on her mother too (sooner the better of cuz!!) =(

ahh..

hoping tmr will come asap siaaa.. >.< but saturday comes and i shall need to leave this life, and set off for another change again.

im missing her madly..

hmm..

there's some feelings words can't seem to express..
just, i can't live on and think on without u to live alone..
that will crush me down deep into the earth i suppose.

waitin to get my kisses huggies again!! =x

2008-09-09T11:37:00.003+08:00

=)

another day has passed.

time with her has started to reduce further.

clock is ticking. heart beats the same old way.

thinking of her same way too..

our memories together, they are happy isn't it?

i've never been so happy for so long u know?? hehe..

its a sweetness that's something i can't really explain.

for ytd.. alright.. waited for time to pass on again the same way.. till she comes to meet me up..

and then we spent our time together watching shows..

agreed that man have their time of vulnerabilities too.. >.<

not all man is strong at all times ya?

and chloe came hahas.. as usual a playful kid..

studying, how long have i last did a homework? hmm..

left with 3 more days of freedom b4 army.

ok a bit emo now lah. hmm cuz thinking that she might cry of the thought tt i can't be there for her as much as i want.. hmm..

missing someone is a painful thought i know, i'll do my best to let u treasure the times of us together.. so that u can get through the other days without me ya? =)

there's still a long way ahead of us.. <-- something u always said. remember it well!

i'll wanna get my 7 yrs over with u 1st!! and then the whole life after that too!!! >.<

today shall be rather boring.. maybe goin out to job/bball with friends.. still wondering.. but eyes still rather tired.. hmm.. maybe a nap will be nice too.. considering here and there..

i think i felt something with my thoughts.

hahas.. im a sefish boy, i really wish to be close to her all the time too.. just that i nv had that thought carried out. i know its way too selfish. but it makes me a bit sian when i think ahh.. haf to wait again. again. again.. >.<

im somewhat troublesome/bothersome too bah? hmm..

anticipating the times to meet dear up again..

lightnings + thunders is something u haven got over YET.
i know that too.. just remember what i told u ytd =) hope it will get u through ya? when im nt beside u.. hmm.. i know im nt gd enuff to remove all ur fears YET either =x

words of more importance normally u don't put it on ur mouth all the times.. u show it with actions. but some actions can't show the words. in the end. still have to use ur words to show.. >.<

i'll grow stronger everyday without you,
so i can protect you with better security.
all the rest of my time will be set for YOU only.
im sure u know that.. >.<
hope i haven done any mistakes till now..
if there are any. pls let me kno and do something abt it.
before there aren't much time for me.
cuz after that! the times together i wanna be happy with dear everyday!!

Rest

2008-09-08T09:43:00.004+08:00

im wondering what happened that could be able to make u being unable to sleep..

i'll wanna be your superman if u ever know.

u know how bad i'll feel alright, but if u ever want me to stop thinking of u. end my life and it will go away together..

thats probably how my love will end with my life.. at least my memories will stay in this world after my life is gone.. hahas.. im super pessimistic all of sudden again.. >.<

if u are bothered abt anything and im nt gonna be able to do anything at all..

last night i woke up a lot times too.. feeling a bit.. weird.. woke up to get some more water + pee.. randomly. but around 3 times if nv rmb wrongly. hmm

when you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams?? >.<

2008-09-08T09:43:00.001+08:00

2008-09-07T21:12:00.002+08:00

hmm..

i think im getting weaker cuz of im afraid to miss someone. just 2 weeks. nt even goin overseas. im getting into a down mood alrdi.. hmm.. that's nt a nice sign.. =x

another day together. =)

its fun. fulfilling..

says im bullying her.. hmm..

maybe i nid to stop doing such things to "bully" her after all..

and my mother made some divination for me today.. rather a cool thing to be told off..
im someone who earns to win at all chances.. but im nt supposed to do that in army. told me that i need to cool down off the area of what i normally tends to think off and try to shake off all ideas to try to endure and cover more of whatever needs to be done..
maybe GENG-ing is the only possible choice for me if i am supposed to live on easily with a better life..

hmmm.. thinking of my life of how it enfolds slowly..

i hope for an ending which im really am dreaming of..

im sure dear u understands how im thinking of bahz.
my favourite number is 2. but was 1 when i was young..
cuz being 1 is too lonely. 2 is in pairs.. which makes me feel happier if there's someone to be together.. that's why. =)

*2 person sharing sadness makes the mood half unhappy, and 2 person sharing happiness together makes them twice the joy..* its something i do feel true =)

2008-09-07T00:14:00.002+08:00

成功之留给有准备200%的

knowing yourself. what a cool topic. ok. i don't know myself yet. cuz i dun think my character's shape and attitude is fully out yet. cuz i dun know myself. i behave differently with different people.. =(

hmm.. i know myself quite a little. im indecisive. okay.. i know that's weird for a libra but i do haf that trait once in a while.. >.<

and hmm.. for my dreams. i dun like to chase after dreams when i dun even haf the process build up to a 100%

but i do have a dream now. to be spending the rest of my life with her.. =)
providing myself and her a fulfilling and full of happiness de family!!!! =3

hmmm..
i wonder do i have the chance to keep on singing for my whole life down as i will pursue overseas studies definitely. i'll rather spend time with her while working thou too.. =x

i'll definitely wanna be with her more.. im a stubborn man! >.<

as for today.. hmm..

ok rather tiring. morning woke up super early today too..

went to get mooncakes and bring over to dear hse for her parents!! =) hope they like it

amd went to have fish and chip at her hse area.. hmm.. nt bad.. the fish rather fresh~ =x but the coleslaw. hahas. tasted like kfc one. i dun really have a fetish for it.

den went movie.. hahas.. talkin abt living together.. hmm.. i reflected on me and her.. i'll wanna be with her of cuz.. to ask a qns. are we gonna endure problems together ?? hmm. till now. we haven faced any sort of problems..
maybe my own stupid problems that aren't meant to be problems at all..
and hmmm.. i believe i can handle a lot of things.. at least for her sake.. i'll try double the effort too..

then i noticed that dear wasn't feeling well and once again. she nv tell me.. =(

dear nt honouring her words.. =( nt happy.. =(

i'll wan my dear to be feeling gd at all times!! >.<

den went to met up with ker wee and sh. while ker wee had his bdae present taken.. cufflings.. okay very presentable =)
but there's something i wanted to say.. which is i think there's a lot of tailored shirt now days got 2 cufflings on each side of the sleeve de =x

hmm.. and went for pool. ok im rusty liao.. hahas!
somehow played better and better each round. shud be more confident de! =x
hmm.. dear is forgetful but once in a while she shows serious efforts too.. hahas.. i think having fun is still the most important part..

dear said i bully her.. >.<
hope she dun mind my playful attitude..
cuz after all.. i din want her to feel like stress and burden from the teachings of my words..
im too straight forward when teaching things all the while.. even with people i love too.. >.<

but im sure its a memory that dear will nv forget! =)

and nicole teacher from lws has passed away from this world.
ok. i dun think i kno who that is.
i think she still deserves at least a mourn from me. for im a student from lws and i heard she's played an important part to lives of many who have been studying there..

* a short story from anime *
every soul has a love in them
each person they know, makes them learn to love for each other..
but once they pass on and leaves the world, their love don't just go away with them.
its something that will be spread towards those who has been left in the world, like a memory.
its something that only life that can be leaving behind.
that's what makes those still living to live on with a reason.
to carry on the love to be able to love more of the others.

to love and cherish what u can do and nt regret after u nv do something..
i'd rather regret that i've loved someone than regretting that i've failed to love that someone who had alrdi passed on...

hahas.. a bit thick today.. >.< ok lets leave at this..

i'll be missing her madly..
i love her smile.
her cheeks! >.<
her hugs.
her kisses..
all the time she's nt beside me..
i know i'll be feelign miserable..
i'll get on over it.
so that i can get more of them in the future!! >.<
at least. thats something only i can do. and i can be holding on to..

2008-09-05T16:00:00.002+08:00

hmm.. ok for what i nv blogged ytd. hmmm my leg de skin is tearing rather hiong now. the patch is getting much and much bigger.. rather scary.. hmm.. i doubt the skin there can be shown to the sun. there's no color pigments on it. super vulnerable now. hmm..

ok.. singing wise.. satuday there's a pk group coming to pk us.. rumors say the group will be from other singing sch. rather cool heh?? =x

to dear

i'm hoping to hug u now, tmr, and the days to come as well.. till forever.. but its goin to be super long.. its worth the wait hor? >.<

there's still many things that i wanna do together with my dear!!
yet im feeling that the time together is always so little de =(

missing u madly. =(

2008-09-04T09:28:00.001+08:00

ahh.. what a morning.. woke up thanks to hunger + thirst + cold.. too cold ler.. den wake up one.. >.<

and i can't get back to slp =(

can't wait for afternoon to come!! XD

2008-09-02T19:27:00.002+08:00

had a hard time slping last night! super slpy now. omg. >.<

listening to songs as usual.. hahas.. sad songs. slow songs. no happy songs today at all..

hmm.. but im feeling super happy sia.. >.< lols

dear came over today! =)

had some hong kong restaurant dessert cafe. wasn't very tasty.. hmmm barely passable that's all.. >.< but hahas. as long as with dear.. anything normal is GOOD! =)

hmm.. den had some nice time with dear today.. =)

my leg is getting better each day.. but in a way.. my leg is nt healing fast enuff as my dead skin is shedding off.. i can see the somewhat thin layer of protection on my skin. i think is the dried up of some liquid released by my body..

hoping my skin will form again. but it will take long time.. as skin is also an organ that is VERY important to our body too!! i wanna wear jeans again =(

hahas. i love my dear so much leh..
she's so cute..
so sweet..
im so gonna get diebetes someday liao lor!! =x

im waiting for someone to ask me if i like cute stuff.. den i'll answer, yeah of cuz!
cuz i'll be hoping tt person to know that i love my girlfriend TOO!!! >.< and it will nt stop cuz she will nv turn away or stop being cute. for she is my girlfriend! my dear forever!

ahhh.. im turning weird too.. loves the kisses and hugs madly.. way too addicted to them ler..

*shy*
note* if dunwan get disgusted any further pls do nt try to read such color font words then.. =x

2008-09-02T11:38:00.002+08:00

okay to make up with my miss blog of ytd. i wasn't in the mood to blog yet haha! =x

hmm.. ytd the morning wasn't worth talking abt.. >.<

noticed that my thigh is getting itchy now and then. and the skin is tearing. but the skin underneath is nt healed yet lor. i duno why it is tearing sian.. =.=

and then.. hahas.. my dear gave me something really sweet =D

it proves how.. devoted she is right? hahas.. she simply melt my heart.. all the times.. all the while.. makes me wanna dote on her more, give me de chance to do so k dear? =)

im nt doing anything =(

its " Not FAIR!!" >.< i need to do something special too!! but i suppose i need to do it DIY de.

so that it can never be found in any other places in this galaxy!! >.<

hmmm.. anticipating the hours to come!! hehe..

2008-08-31T23:44:00.003+08:00

ah.. removed my bandage tonight and my legs(left picture is left thigh, right picture of my right thigh) are like this now.. a bit disgusting i know. but

ITS STILL MY LEG YOU KNOW? >.<

hmm.. today morning i managed to grab some slp i suppose.. around 2 hours of slp. DEEP SLUMBER omg. >.> i heard from my bro i snored like some pig lol? =x

waited to go have our family photo taken today.. and hmm.. ok my shoe is getting darker due to some reasons and my temper is on FIRE today thx to lack of slp i suppose..

finished it super late.. due to their SLOW actions... zzzzz.. delay here and there.. yeah.. >.<

met up with dear! hahas.. and dear is too tired cuz of painting the pictures for DFC's FC!!

so hardworking. till hand pain.. =.=

den she's too hungry.. aiming for food...

today's meal is NICE!! hahas.. waraku is GD =) nv let me down yet.. but hmm.. their dessert nids some improvement i suppose.. their white chocolate truffle de coating actually used coconuts + coconut hybrid chocolates de roche? =.= its retarded.. the taste aint nice either.. =.= and is loa hong de.. >.<

hmm.. den send her home.. woah.. the amt of ppl waitin for train is mad today.. ok.. hate the ppl at comex.. =.= wad an IT Fair. so MUCH PEOPLE LOR OMGG >.<

den the train actually had an error when i just nice left them and my stomach felt rather bad..

and then the train had error for like 7 mins stucked in the same spot. then the train finally stop and forced all passengers out of it and then i waited for like till the 3rd train den i can get on it. and finally get home in like 30mins odd in the total time... =.= What a troublesome day. ahh.. zzz

i'll need to take proper care of myself.

dear needs it too.

pls do it properly.

can't bear to see u suffering u know? =3

this is our 1st month being together officially..

im glad that u are the special someone that i love!! =)

the reason is, u ARE special to me!!!

2008-08-31T07:25:00.001+08:00

AH! i nv get any slp the whole night haiz. =(

why is this so itchy.. the whole day itching. now the whole night. haiz.

dear i can't help it. pls dun blame urself for it k..

i even tried taking some umeshu alcochol.. feeling warm. still itches.. =.= no use one. haiz

and im feeling SO awake lah omg. ahhhhh...

2008-08-31T00:36:00.002+08:00

ah. ok. i almost feel numb.. due to enduring pain for too long..

i think i some what know my limit of enduring pain.. i CAN ENDURE A LOT PAIN.. just tt im losing the senses.. to the extend of feeling like losing my conscious? >.<

hmmm.. woke up rather late today.. but inbetween hard time slping bah i suppose?? >.< thx to waking up inbetween i think.. 1 or 2 times.. hmm..

den.. woke up.. waited for dear to come.. took rather long.. she finally got her phone.. at least she wun feel so pek cek now..

hmm.. met up with her! =) feels like i nv see her for long time sia.. time without her feels sooo difficult to pass by.. =(

hmm.. den met up with her.. enjoy our time together watching shows.. BUREIBA!! =x

went to bedok by bus.. hahas.. rather a warm bus to be in..

and dear had her faviie ice cream again. hahas.. love to see her enjoying her food..

ok.. pastamania sucks big time.. lately all the foods im taking from those fast-food sort of restuarants is getting worse and no where average..

cheng + li te are fun ppl to be tagging around with.. hahas.. apparently they rather outgoin.. >.<
amazed by my dear's and sh's imagination power.. a bit.. rather hiong.. towards that kind u know.. =.= (I'm so AWED cuz i dun even dare to put such words in my mouths.)

hmmm.. hahas.. its always meaningful to be beside her.. it simply adds color to my black and white world so far.. which i only live for one dream many goals. hahas.. now i got another dream too! =D

hmmm.. im trying hard nt to let u know leh hahas.. u are having tears le lor..

i dun like my precious darling to have tears inside her eyes for no reasons u know? =)
rmb. smile for me. =D

and cuz i know dear will be there for me.. i'll be trying hard to be healthy so u wun worry and even have tears for no reasons! >.<

hehes.. today did something sweet hahas..
im nt so shy le! =x somehow feel normal? i feel that its alright if its u!! that;s why! =)

想你已经变成了和我呼吸一样的习惯

dear.. dun feel bad! cuz.. u are my sweetest antidote i can find =D